My Unfortunate Fate

chapter 55

Betrayal is far worse than rivalry.

My instincts were trustworthy after all. Immediately after 'following' us out of her home, Letta Turmond fled into the streets of Coruscant. She should've known it was foolish to run from Jedi, because we caught her in a matter of minutes.

Now it's all over.

This Temple feels safe enough to call home, now that we know it wasn't a Jedi who planted the bomb. I'll always appreciate some time on Coruscant to regain my sanity after being trapped on a battlefield for weeks—sometimes months on end. This time, we only left for one skirmish on Cato Neimoidia, but the emotional turmoil I've gone through lately made even that difficult to endure.

I can never forget some of the things those battles made me witness. I've watched our men—many my friends or acquaintances—lose their lives under our watch. I've had to hear medics claim there's nothing they can do to save them...far too many times. I've heard the screams and felt the pain of innocent civilians on neutral worlds that we were unable to save.

I try to not bother myself with reliving battles, but time and time again, the memories return. Even my meditations aren't safe from them; despite how much I try to detach, the horrors never leave me.

I remove my necklace and hold it by the crystal, staring blankly in its direction. For millenia, Jedi have had a spiritual connection to kyber crystals through the Force: they tie into our very essence and power the blades of our lightsabers. And the crystal in my hand is much more significant to me than any other—it represents something deeply personal.

"Will you help?" I think aloud, although I know it cannot respond.

It cannot help me, but it can distract me. I make it float a few centimeters above my palm, then rotate it continually.

This reminds me of the cave on Ilum, the first time I had gone to collect a kyber crystal for my lightsaber. I had found two crystals during my first visit: the first was inviting me to take it, glowing like my peers' rightful crystals had, and the second remained dull and clouded.

Torn between the two, I eventually chose the latter crystal. My trial was more logical than physical, unlike many of my clanmates. Although the glowing crystal looked like the right choice, I was wise enough to resist its temptation. The crystal I chose made the Force around it tremor, so I trusted my instincts and chose it. In the end, it was the correct choice, because the glowing crystal soon disintegrated to glimmering dust.

But the kyber crystal levitating before my eyes doesn't represent my connection with the Force. Actually, it doesn't feel like me at all. This crystal makes me feel the same way I do when I'm with Anakin. It encapsulates his essence.

My door slides open on its own. I drop the necklace, hiding it behind my back, as a tall, cloaked figure steps into my common room.

He removes his hood, eying me skeptically. "What've you got there?" Anakin asks, walking towards me calmly.

I glance at him and smile innocently. "Nothing."

My husband smirks and shakes his head, but doesn't slow his pace. Once we stand mere inches apart, he tilts my chin up with his right hand. "Don't try to lie to me, love."

My lips part slightly as I look into Anakin's eyes, a bit stunned by the speed of his advance. My hand clutches the necklace and moves it further behind my back, trying to hide it.

"So you're not going to say anything?" he asks.

I look him up and down, then meet his eyes again. "If you're going to keep this going, I might not want to tell you what's in my hand," I tease.