My Unfortunate Fate

chapter 78

Home is where the heart is.

"I want to go home," I tell Anakin, nestling my head into his neck.

"I thought you considered me your home," he whispers in feather-light breaths against my cheek.

I don't remember telling him that outright, but considering the history and nature of our relationship, I'm not surprised that Anakin can deduce this without me telling him. He can read my mind, after all.

"You know what I meant."

My husband meets my gaze. Although the sight of his soft, vulnerable eyes is more than enough to appease me, he also massages my scalp with his fingertips. "We'll be back on Coruscant soon," he assures. "We'll come up with a great plan, take back Anaxes and any other systems we're assigned to, and then they'll send us back. And maybe, along the way, we'll win the war."

I nod, closing my eyes again. My free hand clutches the bedsheet.

"Something's wrong, isn't it?"

Somewhat frustrated by my husband's inference, I sigh. I don't need to nod for him to know my response. Anakin doesn't ask me what the problem is; he allows me to choose whether I want to tell him or not as he continues to rub my head absentmindedly. This makes me want to tell him more.

"I miss Caleb. When he left, some of me thought I'd finally get a break from his nagging, and that it would be a good thing, but I don't feel that way anymore." I rest a hand on Anakin's chest and look up at him, then continue, "I miss his nagging. I miss when he'd call at the worst possible time to ask the least crucial question ever."

Anakin laughs, which in turn makes me laugh, remembering an incident that occurred a few weeks ago—when Caleb interrupted a rather intimate moment of ours by calling me to ask about the location of Rex's barracks.

"I miss him too," he finally says. After a second, Anakin sits up and looks me in the eye, continuing, "But hey, look at it this way: The sooner we take Anaxes, the sooner we'll be sent to an easier front and reunite with him. Maybe we'll be sent back to Coruscant and get to train him there."

I nod my head lightly as I smile. For so long, I've believed this war would drag on forever, draining morale on both sides and ultimately making everyone miserable in the process. But now I can visualize the finish line, the faraway light at the end of the tunnel, and the end seems remarkably optimistic for the Republic. I can finally accept that the end is near.

Another issue dwells in my mind. Given that our split from the Jedi Order is imminent—with a baby on the way—I worry about what will happen to my padawan. Without my mentorship, will he be doomed? Will he resent me for it? Who will take my place, if anyone? How am I supposed to break the news to him, and should I do it in advance, so that he has an opportunity to search for a new master? I miss Caleb after only a few weeks of separation, so how will I cope with him out of my life permanently?

Despite our relationship reminiscent of a parent and child, I know my biological child will never fill that gap. After all, Caleb never filled the gap left by Ahsoka's absence.

"Honey, you need to stop worrying so much." My husband's use of that nickname elicits a feeling of unmatched familiarity. I cannot help the heat that engulfs my cheeks.

"What time is it?" I ask, pulled back to reality.

"Almost one hundred hours. That means it's time to sleep."

I hum, reaching to shut off the lamp by my bedside. "Especially with that strategy conference Obi-Wan scheduled for seven hundred hours."

Anakin scoffs, and though I can't see him, I know he rolls his eyes, as well. "When will he realize that not everyone is a morning person? I mean, when I'm late it's always, Anakin, be more punctual and Anakin, stop yawning, it isn't polite. Well, maybe I wouldn't be as tired if someone didn't drain the caf supply before anyone else was out of bed."