My Unfortunate Fate

chapter 83

Miscommunications lead to fallout.

As anticipated, Anakin did not let go of me all night.

Once, he woke me due to a nightmare, and I successfully lulled him to sleep. Mere hours have passed since, and I am still tucked securely in his arms. His robe has replaced my blanket, which pleases me. It's a lot softer, and it smells like him.

He breathes more quickly, emerging from a deep stage of sleep.

My husband tucks his nose into the crook of my collarbone and his lips latch onto my skin, kissing me gently. This act is tender and trepidatious, as he breaks every few seconds, hoping for a reaction. I brush his cheek, turn towards him, and connect our lips. His moves are smooth as an artist's brush on canvas.

Normally, he would take my face in his hands, but he is incapable of removing them from my waist. To make up for this, I cup his face in my hands and pull away.

I first notice that Anakin's eyes are swollen with red rims. The second thing is his pale lips and skin. Overall, he looks sickly—tired. As I rub his cheek, he starts to tear up.

"Hey, don't cry," I whisper. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry," my husband mutters, closing his eyes. "This is all my fault."

"Look at me."

A tear spills down his cheek as he opens his eyes.

"I'm here for you."

"But what if you aren't?" He sniffles, running his hands along my sides. "What if, one day, you aren't here, and—and you're gone?"

I cannot ignore how wrong it is that the Holonet has nicknamed him The Hero With No Fear. Anakin, like many people, is riddled with fear and anxiety, possibly more than I am. Though I stress mildly over menial things, when he is anxious, it is intense. The feeling tears his heart apart and eats away at him until he crumbles.

I can't possibly understand why this happens, but I know how to handle it. I know that patience and assurance is the best way to help him. And hugs.

Anakin loves hugs.

"Even if I'm not with you, I love you," I say. "I could be halfway across the universe and still love you."

One of his hands breaks away from my abdomen, warm and sweaty, and he uses it to wipe my cheek. "Now you're crying," he says, saddened. "I didn't mean to provoke you— I—I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"But I—"

"Stop it, Ani. It's not your fault."

"I'm sorry..."

All I can do is watch. If I kiss him, he will think I'm doing it out of pity. If I hug him, he will think I'm too repulsed to look at him. If I tell him everything will be alright, he will think I'm lying.

I continue to wipe away his tears. "It's okay if you need to...just let it out."

He tries to smile, although his lips are nagging to frown. "I'm sorry you have to deal with me."

"You're not a burden on my life, Anakin, you're a delight. And I'll remind you of that every day if I have to."

My husband starts to smile, and this time, his lips don't resist.

"I know I don't say it enough, but I appreciate everything you do for me, everything you say to me. Every time I thought I'd hit rock bottom, you gave me the push I needed to bounce back. I...don't know if I'd be alive without you."