𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃
*TRIGGER WARNING: mentions on suicide*
grayson's pov
i walked into my apartment seeing ethan sitting on my couch, his head buried in his hands. he didn't look good. i set my keys on the counter and walked over to him.
"ethan? why are you in my house?" i furrowed my eyebrows together.
he raised his head and i see his red tear stained cheeks. he looked broken and i wasn't sure why. that's when i noticed a piece of paper on the coffee table. i picked it up and unfolded it, reading the neat handwriting.
dear ethan and grayson,
i am so sorry. i don't mean to hurt you guys like this but i have to go. it's my time. ever since cancer stole my dad from me, i haven't been able to live with myself. i feel numb. i feel like i have nothing. i know i know, i have you guys and i love you guys for that. but i need to be with him. i need to be with my dad. i love you guys.
-hayden
hayden. mine and ethan's best friend. the only girl i've ever loved. i've loved her for years but i never had the courage to tell her. and now i never will.
i dropped the paper and looked at ethan as tears brimmed my eyes and threatened to spill over the wall that was keeping them in. my vision got blurry. it cleared once i felt a stream of water roll down my face.
"ethan when did you get this?" i choked out barely being able to breathe correctly.
"s-she stopped by when i came to grab my wallet that i left here. she told me to wait until you got home to read it. i guess she knew you wouldn't be home for a little while longer. i couldn't wait anymore. i had to open it. now i wish i would've opened it when she gave it to me."
at that point ethan fully broke down. loud sobs were all that could be heard in the small apartment. i sat down next to him pulling him into a hug.
"how long ago did she stop by?" i needed all of the information i could get in order to save her.
"like t-ten minutes ago." he managed to get out.
she has to be at our spot. a twelve minute drive from here...
i jumped up and raced to the door, grabbing my keys. ethan quickly followed, getting into my car after me. i whipped out onto the street, going far over the speed limit. i could care less if it was illegal, i needed to get to her.
i pulled up to our spot within five minutes, seeing her car parked behind a huge bush. i sighed in relief knowing she was here and i possibly had enough time to stop her.
i jumped out of the car, ethan following. i jogged up to our spot on the overlook, seeing her stand at the cliff. i heard her crying and i began running up to her. she turned around and cried more when she saw us.
"no no guys. go home." she cried stepping backwards more towards the cliff as she held her arms in front of her.
"hayden i'm not fucking going home. now get the fuck away from that cliff right now!" i raised my voice watching her flinch. i've never raised my voice at her. but she obeyed. she took a couple steps towards us. not completely to us though.
"why are you doing this?! hayden we are here for you. we told you that we are here for you to talk to whenever you need it. why didn't you come to us?" my voice cracked at the end as more tears ran down my face.
"grayson i can't. i can't live like this. i feel lost.
have you ever felt like nobody was there? have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere? have you ever felt like you could disappear? like you could fall, and no one would hear? that's how i feel. i know you guys are there for me but i feel so lost having no blood family left. i need to be with him." she fell to her knees and broke down.
i ran up and sat next to her, pulling her into my chest. i ran my hand through her hair trying to calm her down.
"listen to me. let that lonely feeling wash away. maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay. cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand, you can reach, reach out your hand." i continued stroking her hair as i heard her cries start to quiet down.
"even when the dark comes crashing through, when you need a friend to carry you, and when you're broken on the ground, you will be found." she tilted her head to look at me as i spoke. the last of her tears ran down her face.
"so let the sun come streaming in, cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again. lift your head and look around. you will be found." i held eye contact with her as my thumb wiped the tears from her cheeks.
"we need you. ethan needs you. most importantly, i need you. hayden i can't lose you. i love you." i finally expressed how i truly felt, hoping that would keep her from going towards that cliff again.
"w-what?" she lifted herself off of me to look at me.
"i love you hayden. i have for years but i was never able to gain the confidence to tell you. but now i have." tears began making their way back to her eyes, mine as well.
"g-grayson..." was all she said. i knew i fucked up.
"grayson i love you too. i just never thought you would feel the same way." tears were running down her face again and i proceeded to wipe them.
"how could i not?" i gave her a small smile as i saw one start to form on her face.
we held eye contact before i naturally began to lean in. she began to lean in as well before connecting our lips. i felt the cinematic fireworks you always here about in fiction books and movies. but this is real. this is love. and i love her.
*song: you will be found from dear evan hansen*
