You were walking through the paddock for the first time in a long time. It was different than you remembered it. Not that many people were greeting you, there weren't any photographers around you. You were no longer fascinating to them when you didn't have Max by your side.
Somewhere deep inside you, you knew you shouldn't be there, but Lando was so persuasive. He insisted that you need to come because it was his home Grand Prix, and he wasn't sure when he would see you again.
You felt odd in an oversized Mclaren hoodie that belonged to Lando. It was comfortable, but you were so used to being there in the Redbull clothes.
You passed a group of Redbull mechanics. They almost didn't recognise you. You were skinnier, and your skin got paler since you were no longer living in Monaco. Your lips carried the smile, but a lot of them could tell it wasn't the delightful one. It was painful to see their sad smiles when they waved at you. They missed you as much as you missed them, but you were no longer a part of that family.
Since you needed to get to the McLaren garage, you had to pass the Redbull one. You hoped Max wouldn't be there or at least would not be able to see you, but when you got closer, you spotted him. He was talking with his race engineer, presumably about the race strategy. He was just standing there listening quietly without any interruptions. That was so unlike him. GP was first to notice you, and because Max was curious what gripped his attention, he turned as well. You stopped in your trace when your eyes met. The look in his eye made you bit your tongue. Maybe breaking up with him wasn't the best option after all. When you pulled yourself together, Max was already walking towards you.
"You are here with Lando, huh?" He didn't greet you since he didn't know how should he do it. Was it improper to hug you or not?
"Yeah, he insisted." you gave him a short reply because it all felt strange. You had so many things you wanted to tell, but none of them as appropriate.
"He can be quite convincing," he said and then there was silence between you two. It was so strange. "By the way, my mum would like to know how you're doing, so if you feel like giving her a ring, she would be on cloud nine, but you don't have to. You know how much she loves you,"
"Sure, I'll call her soon," you said even though you weren't really sure about it. You two had a great relationship, but you couldn't picture it after you and Max broke up.
"You don't feel like talking to me, huh?" He came to the realisation. You were never a talkative person, but this was too much even for you.
"It's not like that. I'm just not sure what to say," you said uncertainly.
"When was it over for you?" To be honest, you expected a lot of questions, but not this one. "Was it that night you didn't ask where I had been? Was it that fight we didn't have when I came in?"
"Does it matter?" Your relationship was over anyway. What was the point of digging in the past?
"It does. Because it's still not over for me."
"Where were you at that night anyway?" You asked, even though it didn't have any influence on your break-up. You decided to end things way before that because you couldn't keep up with his world.
"I was at Kelly's, but I swear nothing happened between us." Of course, he was at Kelly's place. It didn't surprise you since he spent there a lot of time during the last few weeks of your relationship.
"I know, Max. I trust you." You trusted Max more than you trust yourself.
"Wait, what? So why did you break up with me?" The pain in his eyes was unbearable for you, so you looked away. You were aware of how much the relationship meant to him.
"Because it was too much. I wasn't strong enough to support you when my own life was falling into pieces. I couldn't manage to keep everything together," you admitted. It was the first time you spoke about it to Max. You realised how much you lacked communication. You were so closed.
"What was wrong?" His voice was so soft and caring it made you cry.
"A lot of stuff went wrong at once. I got fired from my job because I was travelling too much and I was worried to let someone know. I didn't want to be seen as a golddigger. Also, this world is so arduous, Max. Maybe not for you because it's your work, but it was suffocating for me." You sobbed, and he wrapped his arms around you. It was so disturbing for him to see you cry. He was also hurt by the fact that you didn't talk about it with him.
"You should've told me something, Y/N. We would figure things out together. We would overcome that." Max was sure about that. You two had already beaten dozen of odds, so you could beat this as well.
"I'm sorry. I just thought this would be better for us."
"Is it better for you? Because it isn't for me."
"No, it's not," you confessed. It was actually much worse.
"Why couldn't you say something earlier? I lost a month of being with you."
"Because you were so busy with the championship. The last thing I wanted was to disrupt you with my problems. I want you to win it." Winning the championship wasn't just his dream but also yours. You wanted him to be the world champ.
"Come here, I'll tell you a secret. Yeah, winning the championship is important to me, but would you fancy knowing what is more important? Waking up next to you, seeing you dancing while cooking, putting a smile on your face, making you moan my name," he said alluringly into your ear.
"Do you ever think about something else?" You laughed out. Oh, how much Max missed that sound. Your laugh was something that always made his day.
"Well, I was single for a month, so you have to make it up for me."
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A/N Baku never ceases to amaze me. I still have mixed feelings, but what a podium! And happy pride month to everyone♥︎
