Dating Max wasn't every time easy. Most of the times, it was actually exhausting. Following his busy schedule sometimes seemed impossible, but I still loved him.
Maybe it was because of those sweet short poems that he always left for me on my nightstand when he needed to leave early. I found them cute, and they made me laugh pretty often, thanks to the spelling mistakes that he made in them.
Or maybe because I once asked him for his favourite colour, and he answered that it's too hard to choose. Then he asked me if I really want to know that one thing that is his favourite. "You're my favourite girl." I was his favourite, and that was enough for me.
I also loved him because of his I love you's.
The I love you's were for those moments when we got up early in the morning and stayed cuddling in bed. Both without brushed teeth and combed hair, me without any makeup. Our bodies were disappearing in white sheets. We were both carrying huge smiles on our faces, laughing together without any particular reason.
And then he'd suddenly said out of nowhere in between laughs: I love you.
The I love you's were for those times when we went for a drive at 2:30 in the morning, driving through the countryside without a word being spoken. We were so lost in our thoughts. He stopped the car, and we got out. I was sitting on a bonnet with his hand around my waist. My head was resting on his shoulder, peacefully watching stars. At that moment, I felt peace.
He'd get in front of me and look directly into my eyes while saying: I love you, with a boyish grin on his face.
The I love you's were for those moments when we were apart. We would facetime to see each other's face. Talking till midnight adoring him was sort of my tradition. I sought calm in his eyes and burst into tears from missing him too much. I wished to be there with him.
I remember that almost every time, he would say those words just before I fell asleep. I love you, hun. You're my favourite.
He sometimes could be rough around the edges because he hated when people see him weak, but I was lucky enough to see his wall come down one by one.
"What are you thinking about, babe?" He asked you while tightening his grip on my thigh.
"About you," I said without thinking. Being with him occasionally felt so easy. I wished we would have more time together like that. It was so refreshing just being with him and be able to be my true self. I didn't have to have any filter. I was so glad to share with him everything because it felt so exhilarating to be able to express my feelings without being judged.
"Oh, in a good or bad way?" he asked again, and I laughed again as my hand found its way to his neck and my fingers played with his hair.
"I don't think I can think about you in a bad way," I admitted. I was so in love with him that I thought he's flawless.
"Really? I'd swear that you threatened me yesterday that I have to go to bed early," he laughed off. He was yesterday so busy with sim work that it almost looked he wouldn't go to bed, so you threatened him for a bit.
"I don't remember that." A grin appeared on my face.
"Alright, I was wondering when we'll get up tomorrow?" A question left his mouth while he was leaning his head on my shoulder.
"I don't like how you use 'we'. I ain't getting up." He would often describe me like a koala, his little and adorable koala that needs more than twenty hours of sleep.
"Babes, pretty please." He begged me.
"You'll be in the simulator anyway." I gave him a reasonable answer.
"But I need my dose of morning cuddles." His puppy eyes. Oh, how I hated them yet cherished them. They made me every time so weak that I'd allow him everything.
"Alright, anything for my golden boy," I said look at him with affection. I would do everything he'd ask me for.
"Thanks, hun." He closed his eyes and let me play with his hair. His serenity put me at ease.
"Do you know I love you, right? I know I don't say it that often, but I do. Truly, madly, deeply." His mother said he was a 'diamond in the rough,' and I knew what she meant. But to me, Max was simply a diamond. The rest of the world could be as rough as it desired, but it never affected him. He shone with inner beauty all the same. I guess that's part of why I fell in love with him, that sparkle nothing and nobody could ever take away.
"I know. I love you too. I love you." He whispered.
In the quiet moment, when all the world is put on pause, when I'm so lucky to see right into his eyes, I have a wordless definition for joy. There's something in those blue eyes that is so beautiful, so safe and warm. In just one look, I'm 'home.'
Perhaps he's the place where I seek happiness.
♥︎daily reminder♥︎
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