We the Weirdos

Chapter Two

"If we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English," I told Lysander while hitting him repeatedly.

If you didn't know, we were in the principal's office. And I was wondering why I was dragged here by him. I kinda wanted to see him get in trouble with the principal. That would be an interesting thing to see during your lunchtime.

"Dude, relax! We're not gonna get caught! Oh, and, can I be the one to not be able to speak English? That would be hilarious to see the teachers look confused for once!" He replied loudly.

"Just announce it to the world! Shush it!"

He stood up from his crouch.

"What are you-"

"DUDE, RELAX-" he started.

I kicked him in the shins. He sat back down.

"I didn't literally tell you to announce it to the world, dummy!" I whisper-yelled at him.

"What? Yes, you did! Are there cameras in here? I need evidence to support my reasoning as I learned in fifth grade." He looked around.

I sighed. Do you know how you can smack something to get it to work? I wish we could do that to people.

"Look, dude, God has kindly blessed you with a wonderful invention that has been with you since the second your stupid life existed! Want me to tell you? It's a brain." I told him.

"What's a brain?" He asked stupidly.

"You know what? I'm leaving. I am spending my precious hour of lunchtime with some random stupid guy to find his confiscated bag of potato chips." I sighed. "Potato chips! You could always get another bag! Or, where did you get your bag that the principal took?"

"My pantry..."

"So, get another one from your pantry. Maybe it could save some of my time and some of yours too." I huffed.

"Home is too far away..." he whined.

"Where is it?"

"Across the street from the school."

I sighed again.

"It's only far if you crawl there! And I'm sure you're in shape! To run." I told him. He was seriously getting on my nerves.

"I am in shape! Round is a shape!" He said.

"Look, Roundy, you're on the football team. Round is no such word on the football team. Unless you're describing a football. Actually, footballs aren't round. Never mind."

"I got round while eating potato chips... yeah, I'm just kidding." I hope you were.

"No wonder you're acting as if it was the end of the world..." I muttered to myself.

"So. Let's get this straight. I'm going to lunch. You're going to go to your house and grab your precious bag of potato chips that apparently is a treasure." I summarized.

"No." He said, and right then, I wanted to smack him, not caring if he was going to cooperate or not.

"Just kidding. See you?"

"I wish I could say no."

We started to make our way out of the office when I tripped over something.

"Did you just fall on the floor?" He asked.

I sighed. They made smartwatches. Smartphones. Even smart TVs! They just haven't decided to make smart humans. I need to know when they'll make the decision. It better be soon.