We the Weirdos

Those Sushi-Eating Monsters: Short Story

"What do you mean you accidentally got arrested?" I asked Lysander, who was probably frantically running around in circles, wherever he was.

I put my fingers on my temples, massaging them. I sighed. "Where are you? I'll pick you u-"

"Japan." He was probably thinking about all the ways he could die, and as of right now, the easiest one is to just let his ears die by listening to me yell at him, but it is as big as a burden to me as to him because my throat is pretty useful.

"Nevermind then! I will not be picking you up, thank you very much. I'd like to enjoy my summer rather than get caught up with your nonsense in Korea or wherever you are." I shrugged. "It's not MY life, MY status, or MY scholarship to college's problem, unlike SOMEBODY."

"Wait, you have to deal with those problems? I feel bad for you. But you can worry about those problems after you, er, take me back to-"

"-to jail? My pleasure! Wait, no, I forgot you're a million miles away. And I am NOT dealing with those problems!" I yelled through the phone, and I could picture him wincing.

"But seriously, Julia! Please? I need a life." He pointed out the obvious.

"Well, it's not like you lose your life in jail... you just stay in one place for a really long time." I told him, "And the food there is not as good, but you'll get through it."

What I said really didn't help him, because by then, he already started panicking.

"I heard that people lose their, well, everything if they go to jail! And the worst thing is, I'm already older than eighteen!"

Well? I thought he wanted to be eighteen to get out o Brazil, but instead, he's despising being eighteen and getting arrested in Japan? This boy makes me wonder a lot.

"Yeah, and I heard people get new chains that no one else gets. I'll compliment them when I see them on you. They'll even give you beatings if you deserve them! A free black eye to go with it, too!" Dramatic much?

He was too far into his panic attack to say anything I was expecting, like, "I like purple eyes better than black eyes," or  "Oh, those sushi-eating monsters will kill me!"

No offense to anyone who likes sushi, of course. I, personally, like sushi, it's awesome.

"I heard the hot chocolate there is just cocoa and powder! That's illegal! Very, very cruel and it'll kill me!" He exclaimed. 

"It's not going to kill you, Lysander. And doesn't everyone drink water and powder? How else are you going to get hot chocolate?" I asked. Seriously tho, I drank it, water and powder, just fine.

"And I also heard that there aren't any windows in jail? Is it underground? I hope not. Then how am I going to wake up to the sound of birds chirping?"

I sighed. If there are no windows, he's not GOING to wake up to the sound of birds dying or whatever.

"Where are you hearing all this bullcrap anyway?" I sighed, my patience cutting short.

"Eek. Julia said a pee-pee word. Something bad probably happened." I facepalmed loud enough for him to hear through the phone.

"Ooh, who slapped Julia? Someone's getting murdered today," He whistled. "And I heard from somewhere bulls don't poop. You know? Because crap is also-"

"I think I've heard enough of what you heard," I interrupted, "Thanks, though. Now, do you want me to help you get out of jail or not?"

"Oh. Right. That. I forgot." He stuttered. "If I didn't mention, I'm in West Africa."