We the Weirdos

Chapter Twenty-One

I hate Barney's yellow teeth.

I mean, seriously, you can't even tell how many hundreds of things have been and that mouth has NOT been washed. Hey, I'm serious about excessive teeth brushing and maintaining a set of teeth. So, guys, smile while you still have teeth, but if you brush your teeth well, we can smile together as old men and women.

"So... where are the balloons? And the cake? Or is there pizza? Because I've already ordered Papa John's... maybe this is an ice cream party. Oh, and by the way, I don't know what the address for this place is so I'll need that to place my Papa John's order." I said.

I was trying to buy time so someone could, like, save me (after they notice I exist and I'm missing) anytime this century. Super excited to leave this boring ice cream party, by the way, if you didn't know.

"Hmm, Barney, what ACTUALLY is the address? I don't know. I wish you told me stuff..." Fred trailed off, "But you can tell me? Seriously, I'm curious. Do airplanes have addresses? Speaking of airplanes, do ships have addresses?" Fred asked.

"Shut up. And what exactly does airplanes have to do with ships again?" I asked, annoyed.

"Hey, little girl! Stop that. It's none of your business. Well, she's right. You should shut up." Barney said.

"I thought we were buds! I thought we had each other's backs!" Fred said quietly, and sadly, if I may add. I feel bad for the guy.

If I weren't tied up to a pole, he'd be clutching his abdomen. No, a little lower than that. Maybe I'll be strong enough to lift my best friend, the pole, and YEET him (yes, it's a guy, deal with it) at Barney.

Not the biggest fan of giant creepy purple dragons here.

I once again smelled the faint scent of drugs before I blacked out once more.

___________

Barney is so annoying. Yes, I just noticed. I'm a late bloomer, I apologize sincerely, and I could even write an apology note to you too because I'd rather do anything than peel seven thousand bananas.

I have no idea why I'm peeling bananas, so maybe that's why he 'kidnapped' me.  To peel bananas. I hope Barney slips on one of the peels, breaks his head and dies. Ah, my brain is so optimistic and happy and joyful these days while I'm stuck on a never-landing airplane. How great.

I could give you twenty reasons why Barney sucks, but 1) you probably want to know what's going to happen to me (thanks for worrying about me, by the way) and 2) I don't have the time, since peeling banana peels was my only job and I had about 6 thousand to go.

The main reason why Barney sucks is because he's always like: 'Oh, little girl? You offended me! Okay, let's gag her so she can't talk and annoy me anymore.'

And even if I'm silent, he's like: 'Oh, little girl's not talking. Let's drug her anyway because it's just fun.'

"Just fun" is a stupid phrase he uses anyway.

"HEY! LITTLE GIRL! HURRY UP AND DO YOUR JUST FUN JOB! HURRY UP, I NEED THOSE BANANAS PEELED BY TWO O'CLOCK! HURRY UP THE PACE!" Barney yelled from wherever he was on the plane. I hope he crashes. I know I'll die, but at least he will be too. I want to die knowing that this Barney guy was dead.

"What are you doing with the bananas anyway? Are you planning to feed a who planet of minions? Can I join them? Where are you going to drop the bananas off? Because I think that's my stop."

He sighed, but he didn't get his magical drugg-y thingy because he wanted me to peel bananas unless- uh-oh. Did he want me to peel bananas in my sleep? I hope not. The only multitasking thing I can do is annoy, talk to, and irritate Lysander all at one time.