Irreplaceable

im here...

                  At around 2:36am Olivia woke up in a panic, she was reliving the same moment of the baby from overseas, over and over again, only this time it woke her up, it all felt a little too real. She laid back down to try and get back to sleep but it wasn't working at all, so after 5 minutes of staring at the ceiling she pulled the hoodie sleeves over her hands since it was chilly and quietly yet quickly crept downstairs and into the kitchen. She stood leaning against the counter as her leg bounced up and down, she only had shorts and a hoodie on so she was freezing for sure. She was desperate for a drink so she pulled out a glass as gently as she could and poured herself some cold water.

                   Jay hadn't been to sleep yet, he couldn't muster up enough courage to close his eyes in fear of reliving the thought he had earlier, the thought of losing both Olivia and rue.  He was just sat against the bed frame when he heard a clink of glass from downstairs, then it hit him, Olivia's awake.  He slid out of bed and put his shirt back on before leaving his room, making sure the door was slightly open in case rue began crying, then made his way downstairs to see that the kitchen light was indeed already on. He cautiously made his way over to the kitchen door as he saw Olivia sat at the island counter on a stool just hunched over, her fingers rubbing her temples.

He frowned a little, "hey..." he spoke softly but it still made her flinch, "sorry, I tried being quiet. I didn't wake you both up did I?" She looked up, breaking her train of thought. Jay shook his head and walked closer, "no she's still asleep and I was up anyways. You alright?" He stopped by her side. Olivia nodded, "just a nightmare" she smiled sadly. Jay frowned, "wanna talk about it?" He squeezed her hand. Olivia sighed, "same thing as before, I close my eyes and I see her, I see her face every time and I-I..." she stumbled on her words. Jay shook his head, "it's okay, it's okay. You don't have to talk about it, I'm here..." he pulled her into a hug, she let out a shaky breath. She's never really had anyone to confide in about her PTSD since no one knew how to react, but jay... Well he understands and he relates to everything. She feels safe around him to say the least.

                     Jay could feel her trembling under his touch, "c'mon let's get back to bed" he stood up straighter.  Olivia stood up and followed him back upstairs after flicking the light off again, "this might sound really stupid, but can you stay? I feel like that might help..." she looked down as they stood in her doorway. Jay cupped her cheek without even thinking, "of course I will liv, and it's not stupid. Let me just go check on rue then I'll come and settle down" he smiled. Olivia smiled and nodded as he smiled back before going to check on the child next door. She climbed back into bed and slipped under the covers, instantly feeling the fear return to her again.

Jay slid under the covers on the other side of the bed, "is she okay?" Olivia rolled over to face him. He smiled and nodded, "she's fine" he made sure to keep a little bit of space between them, he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable at all. She smiled and nodded before sighing, "thank you for being here..." she spoke groggily, jay smiled to himself, "and thank you for doing what you did today, as crazy as it was..." he chuckled a little. Olivia laughed but before she could reply she'd already practically fallen asleep. Jay smiled and watched as hers eyes closed, he had to admit, he was impressed as how well she'd held all of her emotions about war inside of her for so long. Jays had at least 10 PTSD episodes where Olivia's had to hold him while he slept, yet she's seen more than enough to ruin someone and she hasn't broken down in front of him once, up until today of course.

                     Unfortunately, the days events had taken quite a toll on Olivia and even though jay was by her side the nightmare was still recovering in her mind, except it was altering and worsening every sing time.   This time is was unavoidable...

———
"Ma'am we gotta go..." she waved over to the mother who was trying to reach the baby who was in the crib near the door. 

The woman clutched her hijab out of stress but she couldn't understand Olivia since she wasn't English. Olivia sighed and thought about her language, "uhhh, Haydi... Haydi, ayrılmak!" She yelled over the high pitched whistling noise.

The woman's head shot up, "Hayır, bebeğim!" She cried out, but she didn't understand that Olivia was planning on grabbing her child on the way out. 

Bang... A huge scorching flame filled the house as the mother fell to the floor.  Olivia had only barely escaped as she slammed the kitchen door shut, fully knowing the baby was now her main and only priority. 

Olivia had scrambled out of the house with the baby in her arms; her body was on the verge of giving up but she knew the baby had to live, she deserved a chance at a real life, one that's full of hope not dread.

She ran down the street before running into an empty corner store, one that had already been blown up but it would do for now.

She knelt to the floor and unraveled the blanket from the baby but as she did a wave of nausea and guilt swarmed over her. The baby hadn't survived the blast, her body was too fragile. She let out a loud cry as the alarms wailed in the background, she had failed...
———

                    Jay was woken up by the other side of the bed moving around a lot, he sat up and rubbed his eyes but it was dark so he couldn't see.  He caught a glimpse of the digital clock nearby and saw the time, 4:23am.  He wasted no time and turned on the bedside lamp so he could see what was going on.  His heart stopped for a second, not literally of course, but close enough, when he saw Olivia stirring around whilst making whimpering noises.  She was laying in her back as her legs thrashed around, "liv c'mon, it's okay, it's just a bad dream..." he shook her gently.

                     She sat up at the feeling of physical contact, tears streaming down her face, her body shaking, "you're okay, you're home..." he pulled her back towards his chest.  She broke down in his arms as reality hit her, she's home... Jays heart was aching as she tried to muffle her cries so she wouldn't wake rue up, "it's okay, just let it all out" he ran his hands over her hair.  Olivia covered her mouth with her hands but jay knew she needed to cry it out and he knew rue wouldn't wake up by a little bit if commotion, that kid could sleep for America.  He grabbed her hands which were shaking and just pulled them down from her mouth so she could cry properly, "it's fine, she won't wake up. I've got you liv, I'm not leaving you" he wrapped his arms around her. 

                     She spent a solid 5 minutes just crying and talking to jay about it before he made her lie back down, "shhhh, it's okay. It's gonna be alright, I promise" he rested on his side as Olivia laid down, her back pushed up against him.  He just brushed his fingers through her hair until she was asleep but only this time he didn't move, he placed his arm over her instead, she needed comfort not space and right now he's the biggest source of security she has.  He fell asleep after leaving a sweet and reassuring kiss on her hair, hopefully her nightmares would go away soon...