Irreplaceable

egg shells

*three days later*

                    "Have you got everything?" Jay stepped out of the bathroom to see Olivia's repacking her bag for the third time this morning, "I think so..." she brushed her hair behind her ear.  He watched in concern as she shoved everything into the duffel bag in a disorderly manner, "I can't find my hairbrush" she huffed in frustration.   He walked over to her and grabbed her hands, pushing the bag away from her, "calm down, alright? You're working yourself up over nothing, we'll find it" he shook his head.  She sighed and put her weight onto one foot as she raised one hand to her head out of stress, "look, it's here. Now stop worrying" he smiled sadly.  She zipped the bag up and pushed her emotions aside.  As much as she hates to admit it, she's not coping too well after everything that happened...

Jay won't say it to her face, because he knows she'll lash out from built up fear, but he's worried about her. The court hearing is in four days and as much as she's pushing to attend it, he really doesn't know if it's the best idea. She can't even sit down without the need to bounce her leg up and down, she flinches at every sudden noise and she isn't sleeping as much as she should be. She's pretty much fully recovered in a physical way, but emotionally... hell, she has a long long way to go.

                 Olivia was going through too many emotions to process right now, she couldn't help but wonder, why her? Why did yates do this to her? His words are constantly playing on loop mode in her mind, and she can't seem to turn it off, it's like his voice is a broken record, it's tormenting her for sure.  But on the other hand, she doesn't know if she's overreacting about all this?  Yates didn't rape her like he did with his other victims, so she can't help but blame herself for getting off 'easy' although she didn't, he still ruined her life.  She feels like she doesn't have the right to feel this way? Like she doesn't have a reason to be sad, or scared, or angry...

                  "C'mon, let's go home" jay slung the duffle bag over his shoulder, snapping Olivia out of her thoughts after realising she'd been stood there, zoned out for a few minutes, whilst jay had signed the discharge papers for her.  She nodded weakly and began walking out of the room, making sure she hadn't left anything.  She's looking forward to seeing rue, after all, she hasn't seen her in nearly two weeks since she wasn't allowed in the hospital, but she has one thing to look forward to at least. After a short walk through the hospital, a few goodbyes and many many many fake smiles, Olivia found herself sat in the passenger seat of jays truck. Jay hopped in too and started it up, immediately knocking the radio on to kill the silence.

The drive home was short, and for once in Olivia's life, she didn't stare at her surroundings as the car rolled along the road, she was completely preoccupied with staring into the abyss just day dreaming. But no matter how hard she tried to think of something other than yates, she just couldn't. His face was traumatising and even when she closed her eyes, he was still there, his beady little eyes piercing through her soul. Jay could sense her change in emotion, and with every discrete glance over his shoulder, he could see a shadow of the old Olivia trying to out shine this new broken doll sat in her place. There was no sign of the Olivia he knows sitting next to him in the truck...

"Thanks Mandy" jay closed the door as the babysitter ran down the steps. Olivia looked around as rue reached up for her mom, "hi baby..." Olivia reached down and picked her up. She winced at the action as her arm twinged a little, "you good?" Jay walked past them to place his things on the counter, "yeah" she smiled at rue. Jay smiled too, that was the first genuine smile he had seen on her face, he just wishes they were all like that. He watched as his girlfriend comforted rue who seemed extremely content now that one of her favourite humans was home. He can't imagine the pain she's going through...

~~~~~~~

Later that day, at around 7;45pm, Olivia stepped out of the bathroom and wandered into the living room to see jay playing with Olivia on the bed. She smiled weakly at the sight but walked over to her wardrobe to grab a hoodie and a pair of joggers. As she began changing she could feel jays sad stares focused on her bruises which littered her body, "what?" She huffed defensively. He shook his head and looked at her through the mirror, "nothing..." he sighed. She nodded half heartedly, "then why're you staring?" She scoffed. Jay sat up at the new tone she was giving him, it hurt a little, but he could understand, "liv, I'm just looking out for you" he reasoned. She laughed in disbelief, "yeah? Cause it feels like you're pitying me, everybody's constantly stepping on egg shells around me. Or treating me like a child, and I... I hate it" she snapped in frustration.

She was on the verge of tears and jay could sense that she was ready to break, she's bled it in for a few days, but this might be her breaking point. He stood up after making sure rue wouldn't hurt herself from rolling off the bed, and slowly approached her. He wrapped his arms around her and forced her to turn around, "hey... it's okay, everything's gonna be okay. I promise. But everyone's just worried, and we just want the best for you..." he nodded. She couldn't hold her tears back anymore, so she let out a stiffled sob and buried her face into his neck, "shhhh, I'm right here" he held her tightly. She could feel some of the weight being lifted from her shoulders as she let everything out, these next four days are going to be hell...