Irreplaceable

christ...

*three days later*

Olivia was sat with her chin rested on her hand just staring at jays empty desk, it was driving her mad at how deep he was getting stuck into this case. She thought it would be a one time occurrence when jay came home drunk but unfortunately there hasn't been a day where he's came home sober, and last night he didn't even come home at all, apparently he was at some party with Camilla trying to get things out of her. Olivia didn't like the idea of that but she knew he was undercover and she just prays to god he had his head on straight enough to not do anything with her. Right now they were just waiting for him to show up with any fresh information.

                      It was around 3:45pm when they saw a figure walking up the stairs, Olivia shot her head up to see her boyfriend walking through the bullpen, he looked like shit in all honesty.  He didn't make eye contact with anyone, he just stared at the floor until Voight joined them, "anything?" Their boss looked at jay in worry. Jay shook his head, "no uh, luis' still in the wind and Camilla doesn't really know much..." his eyes had no sparkle.  Hank nodded, "so nothing happened last night? with Camilla?" He folded his arms.  Jay scoffed, "what?" He shook his head.  Hank sighed, "for the case jay, I need to know for the case" he raised his eyebrows.  Jay looked around but his eyes landed in Olivia who had her head down and her hand rubbing her neck.  He looked at hank and signalled to his office, uh oh...

Olivia looked up once Jay didn't answer Hanks question, the silence answered it for them, he did do something with Camilla, god knows what but it's still something. All eyes were sympathetically on Olivia as she stood up and went into the break room, she just wanted to hide away. About 5 minutes later jay walked into the break room without even checking if it was free, he stopped in his tracks when he saw Olivia leaning on the counter, "did you?" Her voice was calm and collected. Jay closed the door behind him, "it was a kiss... nothing more" he tried to reason for himself. Olivia nodded and turned around to face him but she didn't look at him, she didn't say anything either.

Jay just stared at her face, it was unreadable but he knows that he hurt her, "it meant nothing liv, we were drunk and..." he tried to make it better but he was cut off by Olivia's hand on his shoulder. She hardly looked at him, but she looked up at him weakly enough to squeeze his shoulder, after that she left the break room without saying a single word and he hated it, he hated not knowing where he stands, he hates what he'd done, it was a mess. He stayed there until hank walked in, "we're scrapping the case, you're out of the UC and you're on suspension until your heads on straight" he spoke calmly. Jay turned around, "Sarge..." he gasped. Hank shook his head, "no buts, go home and think about what you want" he gave him a stern glare. Jay huffed then left the district without saying a word to anyone.

                    Everyone watched as jay stormed out of the bullpen, "the case is scrapped, homicides taking over. Jays on suspension until he can think straight" hank sighed, "go home guys" he added. He stopped Olivia before she could leave, "hey listen, he's not okay and I don't think he will be for a while. But I know it's gonna be hard on you as well, so if there's anything you need and if you ever need anyone to look after rue. I'm here" she smiled sadly. Olivia smiled and nodded, "thanks Sarge, I'm sure it'll all work out" she sighed. Hank nodded, "it will" he squeezed her shoulder.  She smiled and nodded before grabbing her jacket and leaving to go pick rue up since jay probably didn't.  Sure she was mad at him, but seeing him like this broke her heart.

Olivia arrived home with rue asleep in her car chair but when she got inside it was empty, the lights were off and no one seemed to be home. She sighed then set the car chair down in the corner so rue could stay asleep. She looked around but from first sight she knew jay wasn't home, "jay..." she mumbled to herself. She pulled out her phone and called Will to see if he'd heard anything.
Will: "hey"
Olivia: "hey, is Jay with you by any chance?"
Will: "yeah he's upstairs in the spare room, though hasn't said a word to me yet"
Olivia: "but he's safe?"
Will: "yeah he's fine physically, he looks like shit though. Everything alright between you two?"
Olivia: "I hope so, I mean, we had a little altercation but it's nothing we can't work out. He's been suspended from work, that's why he's not talking"
Will: "what? God... why now?"
Olivia: "well he was working undercover on a case with a military background, he fell in too deep so hank scrapped the case"
Will: "how deep we talking?"
Olivia: "he hasn't came home sober since the start of the case, he didn't even come home last night, kissed another woman. His heads all over the place"
Will: "christ... well are you and rue okay?"
Olivia: "we're fine, I'm just worried about jay"
Will: "yeah me too, you wanna talk to him?"
Olivia: "if he'll listen then yeah..."
Will: "yeah one sec"

Jay was just sat on the end of wills spare bed looking at himself in the mirror when Will walked through the door, "liv wants to talk to you" the red head held the phone to his chest. Jay shook his head, "I can't..." he looked away. Will sighed and pulled his phone up to his ear.
Will: "no luck"
Olivia: "just put me on speaker, I'm sure he'll listen either way"
Will: "sure, you're on speaker..."

Jays head shot over to Will again as he heard Olivia sigh through the phone, "jay, for what it's worth, I'm not mad okay? I'm not mad. But I need you to know that we're all here for you, so I don't care if you don't come home to me just yet, but please don't hold it all in. Talk to someone, even if it's not me or will. I need you back, rue needs you" she let it fall silent after that. Will just looked at jay sadly as jay took in her words. Eventually Will walked out of the room and took Olivia off the speaker option.
Will: "he listened to you at least"
Olivia: "well it's a start. Like I said to jay, if he doesn't wanna come home and see me just yet then it's fine. I can fetch rue over when he feels like seeing her, just make sure he sees someone yeah?"
Will: "I will, and liv?"
Olivia: "yeah"
Will: "don't be too hard in yourself"
Olivia: "I'll try not to be"
Will: "good, I'll keep you updated"
Olivia: "thanks Will"
Will: "anytime"

                   She hung up the phone and sighed, at least he's safe.  She was snapped out if thought by rue crying a little, "oh baby I know, it's okay" she picked her up.  She rocked the baby from side to side until she calmed down, "your daddy's gonna be gone for a little while but it's okay stinky, we'll get through it" she rubbed her back as rue dozed off to sleep.  Queue the unknown process ahead of them...