Dick: i'm going to pretend to be a robber and you have to stop me. Are you ready
Damian and Jason: yes
Dick: GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR MONEY OR YOU DIE
Jason: bold of you to assume I have any money
Damian: bold of you to assume I want to live
Dick: ........
Damian: ........
Jason: ........
Dick: are you guys ok
__________
Damian: *walks in holding a puppy* this is my new dog Titus.
Bruce: ok
Damian: and if anything were to happen to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself
Bruce: Damian no
___________
Dick: *sees damian running by the pool* let me see what you have
Damian: a knife
Dick: no
Bruce: oh my god why does he have a knife
____________
Damian: hey guys look at my girlfriend
Mara: I'm your cousin
Damian: shh just go with it
Mara: what the fuck
___________
Jason: 2 bros chillin' in a hot tub, 5 feet apart cause their not gay
Damian: * stops making out with Jon* shut the fuck up Todd
___________
Batman: *chasing joker into a McDonald's*
Joker: *on the counter* LET'S MCFREAKIN LOOSE IT. GET OUT OF YOUR MIND
____________
Damian: I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag
Seline: you spilled wha-wh-wha lipstick in my Valentino white bag
__________
Batman: *sleep deprived walks into arkum* I'm tired of you bitches in this fucking prison
Batman: *grabs pots and pans* where's the fucking pots where's the fucking pots
Batman: *bangs everything together* I AIN'T GET NO SLEEP CAUSE OF Y'ALL. Y'ALL NOT GONE GET NO SLEEP CAUSE OF ME
_____________
Damian: when I get murdered I don't want anyone to know who did it cause I want to be on buzzfeed unsolved
Dick: .....
Bruce: .....
Tim: .....
Jason: so no one is going to talk about the fact that he said when I get murdered
_____________
Bruce: when ever you yell at your kids put a quarter in your no yelling sock and pretty soon you'll have a weapon to beat them with.
Jason Cass Damian Dick Tim Steph: *in the corner hiding*
____________
Jason*jumping out from behind the stair* AAAAHHHHHH
Damian: stahp, I could've dropped my croissant
____________
Justice league meeting
Wonder woman: there is only one thing worst than a rapist *tears paper off* boom
Batman: *points to his hoard of kids* a child
Wonder woman: no
_____________
Dick: I LOVE YOU DAMI
Damian:
🎶Why the fuck you lyin
Why you always lyin
Mmmmmhhhh oh my god
Stop fuckin lyin 🎶
My momma just got her food stamps and I'm having a good ass day. I hope y'all have a good day too, bye my little demons.
YOU ARE READING
Damian Wayne Oneshots
FanfictionIt's mostly angst. There is absolutely no y/n or x reader. And there is a lot of shit I may have made up but that's almost kinda the point of fan fiction and one shots. Using popular characters from books, TV shows, and movies and making short stori...
