Damian Wayne Oneshots

More headcannons

Damian and Jason regularly get high together. Jason had him try acid once and by the time their trip was over they were in Utah and most of Gotham was on fire.

When Damian was 12 Dick took him to the zoo. When he saw how small the cages were and how sad the animals all look, he took Bruce's credit card and donated over 2.5 million dollars to the zoo.

When Bruce found Damian high for the first time all he asked was "where did you get yours"

Whenever Bruce found out his kids were dating he would try to pay them off. The only reason he stopped is because one of Dick's ex's took the bribe and it broke heart the he traded him for money.

"Hey Dami we need the house empty can you just like go to the movies with some friends or something"

"Oh I don't have any"

"Any money? Don't worry Bruce will give you some."

"No no I don't have any friends..."

"😐"

"😐"

When Damian and Jon were dancing at their wedding, Bruce would give him a death stare everytime Jon's hand went past mid waisted.

When Damian and Jon got into a bad fight he accidentally broke Damian's wrist. After that Jason Tim Dick Steph and Cass wouldn't let him anywhere near Damian for months. Even after that they weren't able to be alone for for almost a year.

There are many reasons why Alfred won't let any of the children in the kitchen. 9 out of 10 of those reasons were named Richard Grayson, he somehow managed to set the entire kitchen on fire pouring a glass off water

When Damian finally grew his hair back out all of his sisters couldn't keep their hands off of his head. They all always want to touch or braid it, Cass is the only one he would willing let play in his hair.

When Damian came out as genderfluid Steph, Cass, Babs, Harley, poison ivy, Selina, and Dianh took him to the mall to go on a shopping spree.

Damian is the only guy allowed at the all girls sleep over with the teen Titans justice league and young justice girls. Also the only place you will ever see him with an avocado mask and a facial headband with cat ears.

When Dick took Damian to the faire he acted like he didn't enjoy it but that night on patrol he heard Damian talking to Catwoman on a rooftop about how much fun it was.

Damian steals everybody's hoodies. If Damian sees you wearing a hoodie it will be gone the next day.

Once when all of the batboys got the flu one by one they were all quarantined in Damian's room and he forced Tim to sleep in a dog bed.
(I'm making a one shot about this)

After Jason watched squid game for the first time he went to the train station to go see Roy. Damian dressed in a suit went up to him with red and blue paper and asked him if he wanted to play a game. Jason said "HELL NAW" so hard.

Once Bruce walked in on Jason and Damian stoned and when he asked what they were thinking about and they both just said "my death".

Damian has only ever said I love you to 4 people. Do what you will with that information.

The first time Damian wore a skirt with his school uniform instead of slacks most of the school was staring at his thighs all day, straight or not. But he got dress coded because it was 0.2 centimeters above mid thigh.

The real reason why Batman V Superman happened was because of Damian and Jon's temporary breakup.

"I bet I can scare the shit out of you Drake"

"I would like to see you try"

" *Motto tone depressed voice*  the fitness gram pacer test is a multistage aerobic capaci-"

"NOOOOOOO"

When Damian and Steph got into another argument about if her boobs were fake or not and he just broke and screamed "YOUR FACE IS THE EXACT REASON WHY I DON'T LIKE P***Y" and everyone else in the cave didn't speak for the rest of the day.

When the family first saw Damian cry literally no one knew what to do. Jason and Tim were in shock that he had emotions, Bruce was confused not being good with kids yet he keeps having them, the girls and Dick were trying and failing to comfort him.

Damian's hair is really soft. Being in artificial amniotic fluid for over a year definitely helps. When Damian lays his head on Jon's chest he can't help but just stoke him like a cat

Once when Damian had to kill one of his clones he shouted "YES I
ALWAYS WANTED TO KILL MYSELF" and just left everybody very concerned.

Nyssa was the one to get Damian him fist sex toy on his 17th birthday. She gave it to him when the party was over and only a few girls were in the room.

In a session of truth or dare at the girls only superhero slumber party Damian was dared to flirt with Blue Beetle during he and Jon's breakup and. . . let's just say he was not able to walk in the morning.

When Damian and jon moved into their first apartment when they were 19, Damian's brothers decided to prank him by showing up randomly. They instantly regretted their decision as soon as they saw what Damian and Jon were doing in the kitchen and decided to never eat any food from their house anytime after that.

Jondami threesomes with Colin have been going on for a long time.

When Talia found out about Jon and Damian's relationship she tried to kill Jon on multiple occasions. Including putting little tiny shards of kryptonite in the wedding cake

When Bruce stepped on Alfred the cat's tail Damian wouldn't talk to him for a week.

Like half of these are headcannons and a lot are just weird ideas that are way too short for a one shot but still exist in the empty hole I call my brain. Good bye my antisocial angels of darkness.