Deserve | Na Jaemin ✓

𝟙𝟚 | long sleeves

tw! self harm

"Jaemin?" With the lack of response, the woman twisted the doorknob and entered the dimly lit room slowly. There, she laid her eyes on her sleeping son. Jaemin passed out due to studying for the last two hours on his study table. His arms were sprawled out and the stack of paper acted as his cushion for his head to lay on. Kyungmi stares at her only child with admiration.

Jaemin's dedication towards his activities always left Kyungmi scared; once Jaemin puts his mind into something, it was hard to get him to opt out. Not only that but if he made a mistake, he would always blame himself. It reminded her of her late lover. The two definitely missed the only other male figure that used to live with them. With him gone, they realised just how much a person can greatly contribute to one's life; Jaemin would hear nights when Kyungmi cried, painfully calling out to him, wishing that everything was a dream and Jaemin himself would spend nights blaming himself as the cause for his father's death.

Jaemin squirms in his sleep at the slight touches that his mother gave him. He groggily opens his eyes and checks the time on his phone realising that he overslept.

"It's past midnight, honey. You're overworking yourself again, Nana..."

Jaemin looks at the date on his phone, his eyes automatically watering at the number that symbolises infinity. The meaning of the number seemed like it mocked him, reminding him of the endless pain that this day, this month, last year, at this time, always brought to him, "You know I can't help it."

"You need to forgive yourself, Nana. That's what your dad would say if he was still here."

Jaemin clenches his jaw, his fists ball up and turns white from the lack of blood flow. His tears finally cascaded down his sorrowful face, "It is my fault. If I didn't tell him to go out that day, he would've still been here laughing and crying with us. He would've still been with us."

Kyungmi stood still next to her son, engulfing him in a tight hug, "He went out because he cared for you. Don't forget that."

"I wished he didn't care for me then. Or at least at that time. I wish he would have refused and stayed home, just like how he originally wanted. I wish that I never pulled that pouty face to him. I wish he just went the next day. I wish that he never gave me a surprise present in the first place." Jaemin rants heavily, out of breath from all the tears and constant regret in his heart, "I wish that he had never gotten in the car and drove off."

"You still love Snowy either way, don't you?" Kyungmi cups Jaemin's face, wiping the waterfall-like tears that seem to flow down more as time passes, "Your dad went out because he loves you. He prepared a surprise for you because he loves you. He loves you, Na Jaemin. Don't ever forget that."

As if on cue, the white Samoyed enters the room. His cute little pants and long pink tongue stabilised Jaemin's once rapid breathing, "Of course I do. I mean look at this good boy...who wouldn't love him."