Ill rise up

Part 19

I had a decent night sleep it is 3:00am. I would love to go for a run but I don't know the area and I don't think Sabrina will be up for it. So instead, I go to the lounge and do a body weighted work out. It is similar to the work out I do at home with Parker sometimes. It takes about 45 minutes and I have worked up a good sweat. The work out includes, 50 burpees, 100 sit ups and 100 pushups. There are star jumps, bicycle kicks, planks, squats and lunges. I stretch after exactly like Parker has taught me and I grab the protein powder out of my bag and make it up. It is still too early for breaky so I decide to go and have a shower and get dressed, I make myself a hot chocolate and go and sit outside enjoying the call air and the peace before the world gets too crazy out here. I love this time of the day it is peaceful; I get to enjoy watching the world wake up. I like it back home better, the sound of the birds, the moon disappearing and the sun appearing, the coolness of the breeze and feeling the temperature dropping as the sun starts to rise. I don't like the sounds here it sounds of traffic and smells like traffic. But for now, it isn't too loud. The world is still what I class as peaceful. I watch the sun come up fully before I head back in, I potter a little before I decide to start on breaky. I decide on making tomato basil feta omelettes. I squeeze some orange juice and I set the table, as if on cue Sabrina walks down. I can't help but laugh. So predictable. She comes over and gives me a hug tightly, then I realise what if she thought I left so I hug her tightly.

"Sorry I woke up early came down did a workout, had a shower, watched the world rise and made breaky. I say quickly in one breath and she pulls back amusement in her eyes.

"You sure have been busy, let's eat" she says kissing my cheek skipping to the table. I can't help but smile clearly, she is feeling better.

We finish eating and I see a message from Demi saying she is coming for dinner tonight. I laugh and pass the message on seeing if it is ok with Sabrina who nods. We start the dishes a comfortable silence.

"Blaire, can I ask you something?" Sabrina asks suddenly and I turn to face her she looks torn but looks at the ground when she sees me looking at her, my hands start to feel clammy. I become nervous.

"What would you do if I said I liked you a lot more than a friend?" she asks really fast but I catch the question and I'm a little confused at first then I think it dawns on me. All I know is she makes me feel something no one else does and I can't explain it. But she deserves better. I could lie and say I don't feel the same way, but that would hurt her, but in the end wont I hurt her anyway.

"I uhh" I scratch the back of my neck all the words muddled in my head. "I would say that I have a feeling I like you more than a friend but I don't know what to do with that, I don't handle change and your friendship means the world to me and the thought of jeopardising that scares the hell out of me because I will ruin this, it is inevitable Beenie and I don't want to hurt you" I say feeling like if I breath something will break. I see her face she looks shocked up at me and I bite my lip my hands start to dig into my palms. Her reaction may not be bad think about the good, slow down I tell myself.

"Blaire stop its ok we will figure this out, at least we both know where we stand huh" she says taking my hand to stop my nails digging into my palm.

"let's talk this through hey" she says leading me to the couch and we sit down I'm too scared to lift my head. I'm scared she will realise how messed up I am.

"Listen Blaire, all I know is I felt a connection the moment we met. I know your past is harsh and I'm willing to wait for you, I'm willing to stick by your side. All I know is relationships are not easy, but communication is key, working through the bad is key. I want to be there for the good, the bad and all your successes." She says all I can think is the bad, all I can thin is what if someone finds out, what if I hurt, he, what if what if what if. I need to turn the bad into a good like I was told to. She is a safe net, she will be there for me she has proved that been with her in more than a friend sense can be beautiful, a new level of normal, a new level of intimacy. I think about Eddie and Dianne's relationship, Demi and Parkers relationship, the way the help each other, the way they work together through the hard times and celebrate the good times.