Ill rise up

Part 21

"Hey baby take these ones; they are from Demi." Sabrina stops me from pacing with her words then places a hand on my cheek in a comforting manner. I take the tablets and give Sabrina a small smile.

"Hey, I know this is hard, I know you hate flying and I am so so grateful that you flew here for me it has been the best few days of my life, because you make me so happy. Whatever you need form me to make this easier tell me, I will move the world to make this easier for you." Sabrina says and I feel my heart swoon. She is so sweet. I'm not really sure what I need for this to be made easier. No one can stop the memories, no one can change my past, no one can change this. The more I realise that no one can fix this, the more irritated and anxious I become so I start o pace again needing to work some of this pent-up bad energy. I feel bad for Sabrina because she wants to help but she can't. People need to realise that that they can't fix everything. I am broken, I am damaged beyond repair and the sooner people realise that the better of they will be.

We are in the car, I am feeling really agitated, I'm worried about going home and I hate that. I have my window down, I had an argument with Parker about my seat belt I didn't want to wear it. Eventually we compromised I'm wearing it in a way that is loose and doesn't feel like I'm wearing it. I feel bad for Sabrina who has been trying to help but I keep pushing back. I search for her hand without moving my head from the fresh air. I find the hand I want and give it a small squeeze which she returns, it's my way of apologising but not wanting to explain not been apple to explain what is causing this irritation. Everyone has realised it is pointless to talk to me right now and I appreciate that. We pull up to the airport and I feel tears spring to my eyes. I can't do this. I feel so weak against the barrage of bullshit in my brain today.

"Snug, I know it doesn't help much but I organised a jet last night to fly home." Demi says it helps a small bit but not a lot. We get out of the car and Drift pulls me to the side.

"Blaire, this is the fear, I'm guessing your PTSD talking causing the anger, the irritation, figure it out and fast yea because if you don't you will explode and hurt someone you care about or yourself" Drift says his voice hold authority yet care and I glare at him for a second before nodding and walking off and grabbing my bag but I grab a pillow instead and sit back in the car burying my face into the pillow and screaming as loud as I can, I scream until my voice keeps cracking, until I can hardly breath, until it hurts. I scream to shut it all up, I scream because I don't know how else to deal today. I finish when I have nothing left in me to give, I walk out and I slump against parker who holds the back of my head lightly

"better" he asks softly kissing the top of my head and I shrug.

"Can you walk or to tired" he asks and I shrug again and he scoops me up and we walk I just lay on his shoulder yawning feeling very tired.

I am placed on a couch I open my eyes to see Demi and I snuggle into her and I feel a blanket placed over me and a kiss to my cheek I know that I Sabrina.

"Sleep beautiful" she whispers and I don't think I have it in me to argue and I fall asleep.

Parkers POV

I can tell that Blaire is on edge today more than usual when she has to fly. The arguing with me when it came to putting a seat belt on. Blaire only argues when she is really on edge. Sabrina text earlier to say that Blaire had been pacing and not herself. We all get out of the car Blaire won't look up. Drift one of the guards grabs Blaire and pulls her to the side I'm about to go and grab him but Sabrina stops me as if to say its ok. Blaire walks over and she grabs a pillow, she jumps into the car I look and see she is screaming into the pillow. I sigh and tell the other girls to go jump on the plane and I load the stuff in and I wait for Blaire, she is in there for a bit then comes out looking sheepish she slumps against me I smile and place a hand on the back of her head. She is breathing hard still. I wish I could fix this somehow. I want to know why she is so worked up. I would do anything to take away her worries and fears.