The Ravages of Time

Simula

Simula

"Sa wakas!"

Everyone would surely agree that taking the finals is such a satisfaction and felt relieving. Completing a semester without any problems feels so good.

But I just thought.

My smile faded as I realized things.

I never thought I would be this sad after the finals for the first semester. Knowing that my father died, knowing that my brother broke up with his girlfriend, knowing that my mom is getting worse day by day, and knowing that we'd moved out from the mansion where I grew up.

Forcing yourself to forget the memories you have is such a hard thing to do. No matter what you do — trying to smile every day, the sad memories will always pull you back again.

After my father died, everything changed. Everyone changed. All aspects of my life have changed in just a snap.

I'm not used to this...

Loneliness suffocates me... a lot.

After my brother broke up with his girlfriend, he started giving me cold glares and cold gestures. He wasn't the old Kuya who used to talk to me. He wasn't the old Kuya who always paid attention to me. He wasn't the old Kuya who used to protect me. Now, he's always inside his room not bothering everyone in the house.

"SONNET!"

I sighed in frustration. Ever since my father died, Mom would always yell inside the house.

"What are you doing here? Hindi ka ba mag-aaral?" tanong niya sa akin. I ignored her. I'm not in the mood to argue with someone who lacks common sense.

"SONNET! Magbibingihan ka nalang ba? Go to your room and study!"

I stood up.

"It's a semestral break, Mom. There's no need to study," I complained, which made her angrier.

"Tapos? Bawal ka bang mag-advance study? Huwag mo akong pakitaan ng pagiging tamad mo, Sonnet! Gayahin mo si Owen, matalino kahit 'di na kailangan mag-aral. Ikaw? Kailangan ko pang baguhin ang grades mo para lang hindi ka magmukhang bobo!"

I smiled bitterly.

"E 'di sana si Owen na lang pinanganak niyo," sagot ko.

Walang araw na hindi ako pinapagalitan ni Mom. Araw-araw niya akong kinokompara sa iba, lalo na kay Kuya na porque matalino siya, matataas ang grades, mabait at isa raw na pinakamabuting bata sa balat ng mundo.

As if.

Inaasahan ko na na isang sampal ang dadapo sa pisngi ko.

Wala ring araw na hindi ako sinasampal ng nanay ko.

"Sana nga!" she yelled.

I just gave her a bitter smile and looked down.

I never cried in front of her because I'm used to it. I just end up crying when I'm all alone and tired. I don't want to cry right in her face because I don't want to be a loser in front of her. I can be a loser when I'm all alone.

I'm the only one who knows myself.

"Isang linggo ang bakasyon. Hindi ba muna pwedeng magpahinga?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Hindi! 'Pag sinabi kong mag-aral ka na, mag-aral ka!"

At a time like this, nasa likuran siguro ako ni Kuya at sinusubukang pakalmahin si Mom at protektahan ako.

But now, things have changed. He rarely goes outside of his room. There are even days when I haven't seen him all day.

And that makes me feel guilty. I was the reason why he became like that.