Two Lost Minds ^Bucky Barnes Fanfiction^

Chapter 21- Sane

⚠️Twist: drug use and self harm⚠️
After your talk with Steve you didn't know what to think. You had a lot of time to yourself since Bucky was on a mission. And everyone had been told to give you space. Your head was spinning a million thoughts. You still were feeling so guilty about the pain you caused everyone. On top of being hurt from all the lies from everyone. Your whole body was being taken over by pain and sadness and you didn't know how to stop it.

Am I going crazy? No, I'm sane aren't I?

You sat on your floor questioning yourself feeling so much pain.
"I just want it to go away," you say as you start to sob. You go to your bathroom to look for something to numb the pain when you see your razor on the counter. You grab it and look at your wrist before sliding it across your skin. You watch as it starts to bleed all over your arm and counter. You slide it across your wrist again, and again. You look down and see 6 lines across your wrist. Still feeling so much pain you look for something else to help. You open the medicine cabinet and find a bunch of medicines and drugs no one knew you had. You grab the bottle of opioids in the back that you had stolen from your dad. You open the jar and take 5 without giving yourself time to think. After a few minutes you start to feel dizzy so you walk back to your bed. You stare at the ceiling blankly not knowing what to think. You kept staring as you felt all your thoughts slowing down. Everything felt like it was slowing down. You realized you hadn't cleaned any of your mess up so you go and lock your door so no one could get in. You slowly walk back to your bed trying to not run into anything and lay down, before falling asleep.

Your eyes shot open, you woke up in a cold sweat. Your whole body was shaking. You tried remembering the events leading up to you falling asleep but couldn't. You look down and saw the cuts on your arms, remembering that you had cut your wrist then taken opioids. You walk to your bathroom still shaking. You cleaned all your blood off the counter and hid the bottle of drugs. Then you looked at the clock to see it was 3:26am.

"I slept over half the day." You go to your closet to grab a long sleeve before heading out to the kitchen. You pasted the lab where you saw Tony. He was trying to work on a project but he seemed too stressed that he couldn't focus. You felt bad for your behavior, yet you were still so hurt that he knew and didn't tell you. Once in the kitchen you go to Tony's liquor stash and grab a bottle of scotch. You pour yourself a tall glass and sit on the counter. You feel your arm burn from where your sweatshirt was rubbing against your cuts. Your drank the scotch rather quickly and just sat staring at the wall. Your thoughts were still super slow, but you were still shaking.

Why can't I just be fucking normal? I'm not even sane anymore.

You stare down at the empty glass in your hand. Without thinking you chuck it at the wall. You start sobbing uncontrollably. All the pain that had been building up for so long.

Tony's POV*
"Bucky I need your help." You say walking into his room. After watching Bri break down last night you knew you needed to help her and Bucky had just gotten back from his mission so it was the perfect time.
"With what?" He immediately shot up with concern.
"It's Bri, I don't think she's okay. She needs help and fast. I'm scared she's gonna end up like her dad if we don't step in."
"How do you know this?"
"She wasn't responding to me at all yesterday," Bucky quickly cut him off.
"You told us all to give her space so yeah she probably won't respond."
"But I saw her in the kitchen last night. She was a mess, drinking, she even threw a cup at the wall. And she was shaking."
"Tony she's just going through a hard time. Some people don't cope well but I don't think we should be digging into her business."
"I went into her room last night after she fell asleep and found opioids. She needs help."
"Wait are you serious?" Bucky's eyes filled with tears at the thought of Bri using any sort of drug. "We can't let her suffer."
"Wait Bucky, we can't let her know that we snooped around her room."
"We'll find a way."