Torn

2

You see that's why I dont promise anything anymore. Even if I had someone to promise too I wouldn't. You can break promise like braking glass.

When I get back in my 'room' I grab a shirt and pants both are too big for me. I'm not complaining tho. I would like them more if they weren't from him. I head back to the bathroom to clean the blood off of the counter and sink. I move my bloodied clothes in the tub with hot water and let it soak. I moved on to the living room and start cleaning up his mess.

I like cleaning. Said no kid ever. It helps me focus on one thing and keeps my mind occupied and not let the thoughts in. When I pick up a picture I realized it's a picture of mama. She looks so happy with 4 year old me on her hip.

'She was happy until she realized how lazy and ungrateful you are'

"Verpiss dich" (fuck off)  that's not true she was happy

'Was she though?'

I think she was happy.

I mentally slap myself.  Come on Frankie, stop this pity party. You have not right to be sad. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

When I'm finally done cleaning, I head to the kitchen to eat what I can. I soon realized that we have no more food. I used the last of the food on him. I climb on the corner to look over the fridge. Bingo! I found money. I quickly grabbed the money and jumped off the counter.

I grabbed my old shoes that I stole two years ago and tide them on my feet and was out the door. I live in a neighborhood that presents tell their kids to stay away from. There gang tags and garbage everywhere. I take a quick turn and walk a fast but not too fast pace. I dont want to give someone a excuse to talk to me.

When I make it to the rundown store I say a hello to the employee at the entrance. I grab everything I need for the next month and make my way to the check out stand. I empty my bin and wait for the cashier to finish

I dont know why but I'm always get uncomfortable with cashiers. They always try to make small conversations and it gets awkward. I try to not look at the cashier that usually makes they not want to talk.

"Ma'am, did you hear me?"

I'm thoughts were intruded. I look up at the cashier and see him looking at me.

"I'm sorry?"

"I said 50.24 is your total" He had a small smile

"Oh, sorry" I handed him the money

"No need, have a good day" he handed me the food.

I was almost to the house when I felt someone behind me. I quickly look over my shoulder and saw someone with thir head down. I moved a little faster and listened to their foot steps. They stayed the same pace. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I frowned when I realized I was disappoint.

I look up at the sky. Its beautiful. Sometimes wish I could be a star and live my days in the sky. It sounds peaceful.

When I got to the house, I saw what time is was and almost had a heart attack. He going to be home in a hour.  "fuck fuck fuck"

I hurried to make him dinner. I was almost done when I heard his car. I ran as fast as I could to put his food on the table. When he walked in I had just sat down in the opposite chair to his.

He kept his eyes on me when he sat down. I only held eye contact for three seconds and look down at the table. He doesn't like me looking at him in the eyes. All I could hear was my heart in my head. I watch as he took a bite. Then he spit the food out. I froze.

I didn't burn the food and I cooked it all the way. He grabbed my hair and shoved my head on the table. I yelped as he did it again. He dropped my hair and grabbed my shirt and threw me on the ground and kicked me in the stomach.

As I'm grasping for air I see a knife. I dont know what made me grab it but I did.

..................................................................

Have a wonderful day!
- Foxx