empathy

TEN

If Jasper were to describe Anastasia's feelings, he would probably compare them to the calm before the storm. 

Quiet and relaxed but with an immense force of destruction seething below the surface. 

Anticipating an explosion of anger and sadness and everyone will be completely helpless about it.

Anastasia has pushed her feelings away for far too long to still have utter control. Anastasia has refused to feel her feelings for too long to still be able to fully decide. 

And she might not realise it but slowly, at an agonising pace, emotions are dripping through the small cracks in the bricks she has used to build her wall. And once the dam breaks down completely, a flood of emotions will breakthrough and drag her down.

And once again the people will be helpless about it.

Anastasia won't be able to stop it as she will be too busy ignoring the red flags that will alarm her about the upcoming happening.
And even if Jasper were to prevent it from happening, he is only able to procrastinate it for so long; because his gift doesn't allow him to swallow the emotions of others and even if he were able to do this, it really wouldn't do anyone any good.

And the environment doesn't care enough to even notice a single thing about Anastasia outside her usual cold attire.

But today there is something different about her. Different from the last days, the last two weeks.

And it isn't for the faint smell of alcohol still clinging to her. Or maybe it is her clinging to it and the things it made her feel and do.

It isn't for the faint smell of salt coming from the tears she has poured last night and the redness and puffiness her cheeks now hold beneath the make-up.

It isn't for the dark red colour of her hoodie that hangs looser than anything else she usually wears; never mind the fact she had never been seen wearing anything but black ever since the small town can remember.

It is for the faintest of smiles adorning her lips.

Anastasia doesn't smile. She grins, smirks, fakes and feigns but she doesn't smile. Not like this. Not real. Not honest.

And yet here she is, sitting on the hood of her car, a cigarette hanging from her lips - not yet lit.

Jasper's eyes can't seem to look away as she smiles down on whatever is on the exposed part her ripped jeans offer.  He doesn't even look away as she finally catches on to his look and snaps her own eyes in his direction.

Instead, Jasper watches in amazement as whatever fling of contentment leaves her eyes like a gazelle fleeing from a lion. He watches her smile falter until her lips are nothing more but a straight line; curled inwards and pressed tightly together.

Jasper watches her pull the leg of her pants up to hide whatever she was looking at before pulling a lighter out of the pocket of her hoodie and bringing it up to her cigarette.

Her eyes don't look away as she lights the fire and neither do they when she inhales her first drag. It's only when she blows out the smoke that her eyes fall back onto the clouds hiding the sun.

If it weren't for Emmett nudging his side, Jasper would have missed the bell opening their fifth class for the day. 

He was too focused on the way shadows fall onto her black hair tied in a messy french braid. Too focused on the different shades that seem to paint a picture that might as well have been a Van Gogh. 

Too focused on the way the smell of alcohol gets drowned out by smoke and too focused on the way her hands tremble less than usual. 

It's not that Anastasia trembles or that she can't hold still. It's that her left side seems to have weaker muscles or that her left hand seems to not be used to hold things and move them around.

But today is she is utterly still, content. Maybe even happy; or at least as happy as she can get.

And Jasper? Jasper is way too deep to dive back up.

Anastasia isn't completely oblivious to this. She can feel his gaze on her when she passes him in the hallway and she can feel his eyes when she sits on the hood of her car but she has long since forgotten how to care about these things.

There was a time this whole town stared at her; was it at the funeral, after or after the times Charlie had to bring her home. They stared. Stared and whispered because that's just how people here are. 

But something about his look is different. It isn't filled with pity or distaste, it's unusual soft.

And not soft in a way that he smiles and that his eyes sparkle or that they hold a tenderness. His gaze is soft in a way that his eyes hold barely any emotions and yet seem to have found a way to shine with... decency? adoration? She can't describe it. 

But it is quite refreshing. 

Other than Antonina, there is no one that has looked at her with anything but hate or disgust in a long time. Over time they have just grown so used to looking at her with those feelings that they just do it out of reflex now.

The Cullens are the exception to the rule. Jasper more so than the others.  

They haven't known her long enough - or rather, they don't know her at all - to feel any form of distaste to her and they also don't seem to be the type of people to interact with gossip. Or people in general. 

Hell, they have barely spoken over the few times she has seen them in class or in the parking lot. They stick with themselves. 

Though even Carlisle, who she is sure has heard about her or has at least heard her name by Jessica Stanley's mother, who is working as a nurse... even he has been unusually kind to Antonina and her. 

He has somewhat taken her sister's fear of hospitals because no matter what, the doctor they had before has never been the most gentle. He has distracted Antonina in a way that made her forget all around her and he has made her smile. 

But even Anastasia hasn't seen an emotion outside of kindness, patience and the sign that he knows exactly what is going on in his eyes. 

Hell, he pulled her aside once they were finished to tell her that he'd always have an open ear and even an open door for them when things get too rough. Carlisle offered her and her sister a way out. A way out that would cost too much trust and kindness to be real; so Anastasia declined. 

He didn't seem surprised and replies that the offer would continue to be and that, in case she would rethink it, his wife would be happy to meet them somewhere to get to know Antonina and maybe her. Carlisle offered a kind of help to her Anastasia had never known before. 

---

Hey guys,

I am so sorry I didn't post last week but I was on vacation and stupid me forgot to take her laptop. So, I didn't really have the chapters. 

Anyways, I hope y'all like the chapter 

and the short paragraphs out of Anastasia's perspective 

because I felt like I have written so much about what Jasper sees and somewhat thinks, I totally forgot to officially introduce you to what is going on inside of the OC.

What did you think of it?

I hope you're doing well!