empathy

SIXTEEN

Hellooo, 
another filler chapter, I'm sorry. But I am working on an upcoming chapter that will be a little longer and more interesting. 

Also, I should probably put a trigger warning for mentions of bruises and scars! 

Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy the weekend and thank you all so, so much for reading.  

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One leg dangling off the window sill, the foot attached to it hitting the wall of the house again and again and raindrops hitting her clothes that just seem to get stickier and stickier. That's how it has been ever since Antonina has finally fallen asleep a few minutes ago. Maybe an hour, or maybe more. 

Anastasia's head is turned towards her sister's bed, watching the silhouette of her figure for a moment before falling back against the window frame as her jaw clenches shot to keep in the pained grown that threatened to leave her lips. 

Glancing down at her other leg, propped up and hands holding it in place to prevent it from slipping down or moving too much, her eyes trail over the forming bruises for a moment before landing on the old and mostly vanished scar running right above her hip and she finds herself unable to contain the sigh. 

Shaking her head and getting up to close the window, Anastasia makes her way over to Antonina's bed, slipping in beside her sister, an arm wrapping lazily but securely around her smaller frame to pull her into her side, Anastasia stares at the ceiling. Unable to fall asleep for another few hours until she eventually drifts off. 

-- - -- - --

Anastasia's leg aches as she leans against a bookshelf. She isn't sure why she has gone to school today, or why she has found herself in this room every day over the last weeks. School isn't her thing and quite frankly she has been here more regularly and frequently since ever. It's awful, but at the same time, it isn't. It's weird. 

"What's your favourite colour?" escapes her lips in an attempt to distract her mind from the pain shooting through her thigh. "My favourite colour? Are you going soft on me?" Jasper's brow raises as he looks up from his book. Shooting a glare his way, she simply shrugs before trying to concentrate on the book in her lap; having to read a sentence two maybe three times to actually understand the connection in between those words. 

"Blue," he eventually answers. "Why?" she asks, tilting her head to the side a bit. "It's soft. Peaceful. Helps me calm down," Jasper tells her, his eyebrows knitting together as his gift reaches out for her. It's something he has lost every last piece of control over by now. It's like a force inside of him having to be close to her, having to know whether she is alright or not. Needing to be connected to her in one way or another. 

"I like red. Dark red, or light red, depending on my mood," Anastasia means after a moment of silence. "But I don't like blood-red or scarlet, they're too... bright," she adds. "Why?" Jasper questions her. "Not know. Guess I just do," she shrugs after a second. 

"What are you doing?" Anastasia asks groggily, her eyes fluttering open at the feeling of something strange hitting the skin of her arm. Glancing at her sister, barely two years old, her eyes widen as they follow the little arm to her own. Red lines with no meaning she could decipher are meddling with her skin; different tones and different lengths and direction, none quite like the one before and in Antonina's hand another pen, already lined up and ready to ambush her skin. Dear god.

"Any more questions or can I go back to my book now?" Jasper pulls her out of her thoughts.  "No, I'm good," her eyes have already dropped back to her book, her leg tensing up ever so slightly as she flips pages and therefore moves the book; however slightly it might have been. 

Watching her for a moment longer, he eventually turns back to the book in his lap; the two of them falling back into silence until their way parts. Anastasia to go and get some quiet to herself before picking up Antonina and Jasper to get to his calculus course. 

One to smoke on the hood of her car, desperate to get her mind off her lap and another to sit in a room worrying for the other. 

She's in pain and he doesn't know how to help her. He feels so helpless. So useless.