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Dear JJ,
I don't know if you and the rest of the Pogue's have found my other letters, but those are just as important as the one I'm writing to you. There are so many things that I need you to know, but I don't have much time to write this letter to you. This one however, is the most important I will ever write. Probably, anyway. It's high ranking on the letter list... haha.
I need you to know that John B knows everything. And that he knew my plan all along.
So before you murder our best friend I need you to know that I asked him not to tell anyone for a reason. He knows my life, he knows my story, he knows my plan. I asked him not to tell anyone because I knew that he would understand, but not only that, I knew that he wouldn't tell anyone even if he wanted to. He wouldn't betray my trust or put my safety and the life that I've been trying to get away from in danger.
I know that I hurt you, all of you actually, but you especially. And I've never been more sorry for that in my entire life. I know that you know that trust is a big thing for you, and the fact that I've probably broken it by now. I not only broke your trust, but I made you feel like you weren't good enough, but you are good enough. You're too fucking good for me, for the Outer Banks, for the Pogues.
JJ, I know you're probably wondering where I am, and if I'm okay. And I'll tell you that I am. I'm safe, I'm okay. Maybe not happy, but okay. I promise for the most part I'm okay. I'm safe. That's the only thing that John B doesn't know. No one actually knows where I am except for me, I don't know where I'll end up, but I do know that I had to leave. You probably think that I did this just to hurt you, and the Pogue's themselves. I didn't. I promise you that I didn't. I know that you probably aren't even reading this letter right now, but I need you to know that. I didn't want to hurt any of you. Especially you. But, I had to. To keep you all safe.
I keep mentioning how this was my plan, that's true. I was always going to end up leaving, it was just going to be so much sooner than expected. I had to do this, I didn't mean to get involved in a life with you and the Pogues, I didn't mean to intervene in your life, and I didn't mean to find a family in you and in them. But, I did and then I couldn't bring myself to leave. Now with more people finding out what happened, and the things that are going on back home that have to do with me I had to leave. To keep you safe. I should have never met you guys, led alone joined the Pogues. That was a risk, that I took anway. Because in reality you guys shouldn't have known me, at least not you, Kie and Pope. But, I found a family and I couldn't leave it.
I don't know if I'll ever come back, or if I do, when that'll be. Things are a little too chaotic right now to make that decision, and I have to figure out what my next move will be. I didn't want to go, and I need you to believe me in that. I need you to trust that fact. I didn't want to hurt you, and I sure as hell didn't want to leave you. Alone. Knowing what's happening with the Pogues and with your dad, but it was the only way to keep you safe without bringing you into my mess of a life. Without putting you in danger. WIthout hurting you more than you already have been.
