• Take My Hand • | A Taekook fiction|

(Chapter 42) • I Love You •

[Major TW!: s**cide attempt, anxiety attack, drug abuse, alters.

And Thank you XO_EVY_OX for proofreading this for me I love u!💜]

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Narrator's POV

He ran.

 He didn't look back at the crowd, didn't look back at the men who initiated the assault, didn't look back at the people he bumped into, didn't look back at anything He just ran; ran and ran till his legs gave out in front of the front door of their home. 

The paranoia, the feeling of eyes following him every step of his way made him feel unsafe; even though he haphazardly thrusted in and twisted the key to open the door and step inside to his safety. 

"Fucking get away, damnit!" He muttered to no one in particular, his own ragged breaths being the only sound he could hear besides the uncomfortable, sonorous silence. 

He needed to get away from them. He couldn't deal with any of the bullshit in his life anymore. It felt like his abusers were still haunting him every second of the day. Was what he saw back there real? Or was it because he had gotten triggered? Was it all a cruel hallucination? He didn't know. He didn't want to know. He wanted to forget about everything and fucking move on, but it seemed impossible at this rate. He wanted to sleep peacefully without having to worry about staying alert every second of the day, without worrying about causing trouble to his hyungs. 

He wanted to sleep and never wake up. 

'V, no. Stop. It's okay. You're safe, no one is following us. It's not real, okay? No– Wolfie, please! Listen to me!'

Dismissing Taehyung's voice inside his head— which he hadn't heard in what felt like weeks— because his own head was echoing with unrelenting chaos that he didn't want to deal with right now, or ever again, he rushed into the bedroom he shared with Jungkook to find those pills. 

The pills that would help him quite a lot now. 

His hands moved in auto-pilot, grabbing the small plastic bottle and pouring out more than the prescribed amount carelessly; no remorse, no guilt, no hesitation was felt when he shoved them all down his own throat roughly, gulping painfully. He kept ignoring Taehyung's screams at him to throw it all back up, he kept thinking about the eternal peace he'd have once the pills took effect. 

With a light heart, he plopped down on the bed, getting himself comfortable so he could coax himself into coming down from the high of panic and adrenaline rush. He thought about the peace and quiet of the darkness he'd have after this, about having not to worry about staying alert all the time, about no responsibilities, no pressure, no more triggers, no more panic attacks... no more pain. 

He'd be leaving everything here, and he could sleep peacefully, without needing to wake up, ever again. 

He'd be leaving everything.

Sadness. Pain. Desperation. Hate. Responsibilities. Trauma. Abuse…. His hyungs... Jungkook. 

No.

Oh no.

No no no no no no no!

He started panicking.

This wasn't supposed to happen. He didn't want to leave his hyungs. He didn't want to take Taehyung away from the only person who loved him the way he wanted, needed, deserved to be loved.