Spirals || Mattheo Riddle

꩜ Chapter 11 ꩜

Pansy came and found me in our dorm less than an hour later.

I was sitting against the wall next to my bed with my arms around my knees, curled in a ball. It was relaxing to me, it helped me think.

She didn't ask any other questions after I told her I didn't feel like talking. She just pulled out a bottle of firewhiskey from under her bed and poured us both a glass.

It was a good distraction from my own mind, I didn't want to have to think anymore about Mattheo and these feelings. I shouldn't feel anything for the boy but yet his name made my stomach flip in a way that hurt.

Pansy made good company and our conversation covered a range of teachers, subjects, childhood memories and more. I was a truthful drunk and my lips quickly became loosened by the liquor. Though apparently my friend was the same.

In her drunken state, Pansy may have let it slip that Snape wasn't the worst looking guy out there. With a thing for older men, the witches romantic future was looking more and more frightening each time we brought up the subject.

I laughed at that for way too long, spending too much time trying to catch my breath only to see her laughing too which set me off again.

"Well I mean, Mattheo's not too bad looking either, hes quite attractive actually," she giggled. I painted a smile and nodded, not agreeing or disagreeing. She was right, he was certainly attractive, not that I felt any indifference to her saying that about him.

His entire persona was entrancing in the way he moved and spoke. He had defined features and his natural smile was what one would call cute while the rest of him was hot.

It spun my mind how he managed to pull both off, but I suppose his real smile was a rare sight.

"You alright there, Rave?" Pansy asked me.

"Yeah I'm fine, probably just a bit tired." I wasn't tired at all, I doubt I could sleep if I tried.

She bobbed her head, swallowing the last of her whiskey. "Oh okay, do you wanna finish that glass and go to bed?"

"Uh yeah, sounds good," I said with a light voice. Everything was so confusing and my mind kept pulling me back to just a few hours ago. A place I definitely did not want to be.

The feeling of his breath on my lips, the way he seemed to genuinely care when talking about what happened at the party. Those fucking eyes and how they fucked me over every time I got trapped by them.

I shook those thoughts out of my head, pushing away all the feelings of jealousy, confusion and hatred that came to the surface. It was amazing how the human mind could sabotage itself like mine seemed to enjoy doing. It went against the logic of survival and yet here I was, forcing down emotions I didn't think myself capable of feeling so violently.

I downed the rest of my glass and made my way to the bathroom to get changed. I slipped on my pj's - a simple green silk singlet and shorts set - and laid back in my bed, still doing my best to avoid certain ideas.

Instead I thought about home, going swimming in the lake in the back field and the swing we had hanging from one of the trees. 

...

It was around 2am and I still wasn't able to sleep.

I padded my way out into the common room which was completely empty. The only source of light came from the fireplaces, one in each room. I quietly tiptoed over to the couches near the fire closest to me and sat down, staring into the green flames. The heat made my skin tingle and eyes burn when I looked too long.

I jumped in fright at the portrait door opened and a person slowly walked through. They shut the door quietly behind them and started walking across the common room until they saw me and froze.