Spirals || Mattheo Riddle

꩜ Chapter 14 ꩜

A/N: A summary of Mattheo's perspective from the last few chapters

Mature content

Mattheos POV ~

I found myself completely, and utterly, unable to escape her.

She was everywhere I went, in my head and in the hallways. Even in my fucking dreams.

Since that day in her dorm, her scent was everywhere. So was her laugh and her smile. In every breeze of wind or drop of rain. It burned me from the inside out and I needed it gone. Almost as much as I needed more of it.

She had infected me with something, it was so addicting. I couldn't give in.

Previously, I stopped going to classes for the week, hoping going cold turkey would clear my system. Only issue was, without seeing her, my mind would not let me fucking sleep, or do any simple function for that matter. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I was going half crazy. As if I wasn't already.

She forced me to feel something when I hadn't felt in years. I preferred it that way, no happiness was equalled with no pain. But she had fucked that up. A small voice in the back of my mind toyed with me, whispering things I would rather it kept to itself. 

How easily you fall apart, it hissed. How easily you let yourself fall into this pit. We both know you don't even want to get out of it. 

It had been drawing to the end of the week and I couldn't take anymore. I convinced myself that just seeing her might help, and then I could go back to pretending she didn't exist.

Famous last words.

So there I was again, sitting behind her in astronomy, a class I didn't give a shit about. The teacher droned on about things I probably knew more about than her.

I hated that one person had this much influence over me. That she could change my whole life trajectory with just a few words and looks. My father would be disappointed. That was a bitter thought. 

I could feel her eyes on me, those eyes that trapped me in every single time I spared a glance. That feeling she gave me sat in the pit of my stomach. I knew she was watching and analysing me. Her gaze crawled over my skin, a ghost of her breath against it. 

I slammed my hand down on the table and turned to glare at her, to make her turn away, but she didn't. Instead she met my eyes and then continued observing me. I felt naked under that stare. A shiver shot down my spine and I fought to keep myself from closing my eyes to savour the feeling of her attention washing over me.

When she finally turned back around, I couldn't help but continue glaring at her. It was so easy to just blame her for all the problems in the world. 

The class ended and she left, I followed behind her and watched her climb the tower stairs. I told myself I would go back to my dorm, do my best to ignore her. But my feet didn't listen and carried me up the 46 stairs behind her.

There was not enough energy in my body to fight back, to make her hate me. I was trapped. And the little voice in the back of my head laughed maniacally as I wondered if I should be kissing the bars of my cage.

Behind her eyes filled with so much contempt, was so much history. I craved to know it all, to live in her memories and breathe her thoughts. Perhaps it was a little obsessive. So we sat in the Astronomy tower together. Imagine my surprise when she spared me a moment of her time, when she looked at me for the first time without a trace of hatred or disgust.

I had decided to try and pry at her a little. The way she closed herself off made me wish I could read her mind the way my father could.

She told me about her mother and childhood. I had to admit, I didn't really expect that from her. It comforted me that she didn't feel the need to compare what my life was like to hers, as so many have done to me in the past.