Spirals || Mattheo Riddle

Chapter 41 ~ Weak

By the time I got out of the shower, Mattheo was gone.

I spent my time under the streaming water wincing at every bad decision I had made in the last twenty four hours. Starting with even talking to Mattheo in the first place, ending with making him come in his pants. 

The sex was good, I couldn't deny that, and the power that came with being in charge of someones pain or pleasure was intoxicating. However, it also brought forth the issue of emotional connection, something I didn't feel like searching into the depth of my soul for right now.

Quickly drying myself with one of our grey towels, I changed into black jeans and a loose green hoodie that Pansy had given me at some point. 

Scanning the room, I sighed. The place was starting to become a mess, with me too stressed to even stress clean and Pansy who is the least clean freak person I've ever met.

Clean but unfolded clothes sat in a large pile where I had shoved them in my trunk, both our beds were unmade and the fitted sheets had long since been pulled from the corners of the mattresses. Makeup products and papers lined every draw or desk surface.

I didn't feel like dealing with this all now. Everything was becoming too much and my mind felt close to snapping. I had been struggling to sleep, with last night being the most I had gotten in a week. I ran my hand through my hair at the thought, the best sleep I got was in his arms.

Sometimes I wondered why humans craved connection, why they felt that itch in their souls to be able to be intimate with another human in such a way.

That craving took over everything. It became centre point of the human brain at the slightly prompt there was the possibility of that connection. I felt it so deep in my soul it hurt.

I had so many bigger problems, Merlin knows my fucking life was possibly on the line. And yet, my mind was spinning with the way he kissed me, the way his fingertips set my skin on fire and his mouth on mine became the most amazing thing I had ever experienced.

A sob wracked through my chest and I held my hands to my stomach at the sudden attack of emotions flooding my mind. I dropped to the floor, sliding down the side of my bed and resting there as I poured my soul out through my tears.

Reaching up, I grabbed my wand from my bedside table. "Muffliato."

And I screamed. 

I folded in half, holding my hands to my chest as my voice cracked and ripped from my throat with each cry.

My overwhelming emotions were filtered by the screams until the only thing left was anger. I opened my eyes which were now dry with no more tears to give. All I could see was red.

I threw my hand out, letting the power flowing through my veins shoot out from the tip of my wand and hit the banister of Pansy's fourposter bed, snapping it in half. The roof of her bed tipped and collapsed, making a loud noise. 

And just for a second, I felt the slightest bit of relief. And so I did it again.

Streams of red and blue left the wood sitting in my palm, breaking anything weak enough to be broken. Glass shattered and covered the floor when I hit Pansy's makeup mirror and I grinned. 

I felt manic, I felt all my power and all my weakness at once. 

And when I looked around again with my mind more clear than it had ever been, I laughed. Caring about the mess prior to my slight breakdown seemed pointless now.

My gut hurt with the intensity of my emotions, and yet it was the best feeling. 

I sighed deep, not regretting a thing anymore.