Diana. (Book 1)A One Direction fan fiction.

Chapter 16 - How Can I?

I call Zayn's phone again, after checking with Doniya if he ever arrived. He didn't.

"Zayn, please pick up, I'm here in Bradford. I'm worried. Doniya said you never showed up." I press end and walk up to his families doorstep. I knock on the door and Safaa opens the door. She throws her arms around me as she cries. I wrap my arms around her, bending down so I can hug her properly. "Are you okay?"

"I miss him." At this point I don't know if she's talking about Zayn or her grandfather.

"Safaa, who's at the door?" I hear Trisha's voice. When she sees me. She manages a bright and warm smile. "Diana."

"Hi, I'm sorry for just showing up at a time like this. Zayn was coming down here and Doniya said he never showed up. I was worried about him." I explain.

"It's sweet that even after you two broke up, you'd still drive that long to see if he was okay." She tells me.

"I know he would do the same if it was me." I reply.

"Safaa, can you go help your father with dinner? I wanna talk to Diana." Safaa lets go of me and walks down the front hall. Trisha starts walking to the living room so I follow her and watch as she sits on the couch. I sit down on the same couch and face her. "What's keeping you and Zayn apart?"

"The show." I say it more like a question than an answer and she shakes her head.

"That's BS, Zayn told me that too. That's not the real reason." She says, I never knew that she'd say something like that.

"Can I start from the beginning of the story?" I ask and she nods.

"Whenever you're ready." She says.

"Me and Zayn were never really together, he wanted to please you. He didn't tell me why he felt he needed to please you but I got the impression that he did something that made him think he disappointed you. And so we fake dated. When it was Christmas we went to my uncles wedding, he told me he had real feelings for me. And I'm sorry, but it scared the shit out of me. My parents were going through a divorce and i overdosed on drugs and then left me in the hospital telling me that I was a mistake. They told me I was the reason their marriage fell apart. And so I never liked the idea of love. But over time I realized Zayn was worth going against everything I thought. And when Doniya told me he didn't show up, I was worried. I still am worried. We had such a great night last night, we stayed up till five in the morning just talking. He hasn't been answering my calls, do you know where he could've gone?" I finish explaining.

"Try behind the bleachers of the football field at his old school. Just take a right and head straight, you'll find it." She tells me.

"Thank you, but I really have to go find him." She nods and walks me to the door. I unlock the car and go the directions that Trisha told me. I go behind the bleachers and find Zayn with a bottle of whiskey.

"I tried calling you." I say to him, he turns around and almost drops the bottle out of his hand. "I would drink with you, but I haven't had a drink for a month and a half."

"What're you doing here?" He asks turning his head the other way.

"Do you want the bullshit answer or the truth?" I ask. He doesn't answer so I give him both. "One answer as to why I'm here is I wanted to make sure you were okay, the other is I was worried. Now you can sit here and try and decide which one is bs and which one isn't. Or you can go be with your family. The choice is yours."

"Don't pretend like you care." He says. Maybe it's the grief talking or maybe he's done with me putting him through shit.

"I'm not pretending. If you want me to pretend something, I'll go back and practice for the live show, I'll pretend that I never came here. I'll pretend that I don't care anymore." I say getting frustrated.

"Maybe you should pretend." He replies.

"I'll pretend if you go see your family." I tell him.

"I guess we're both not getting what we want." He tells me.

"I will sit here all night with you, Zayn." I tell him. He drops the whiskey and walks up to me. He stands there for a moment before pulling me into a hug.

"I'm sorry." He says.

"Don't be, grief does something to us, it changes us." I reply. "Now let's get you home."

"Will you stay?" He asks. "Come to the funeral?"

"Zayn, I didn't ever get to meet your grandfather. I won't be welcome." I tell him.

"I need you there, please Diana." His voice is raw because he'd been crying before. He seems so vulnerable.

"Okay." I agree. We walk back to the car and I drive us back to his house.

"Zayn." Trisha opens the door and tries to pull him into a hug but he steps away from it. He starts walking up the stairs to his room and I look at Trisha apologetically before following Zayn. He's already laying on his bed, he opens his arms and I lay down beside him, letting him wrap his arms around me.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Di." I hear Zayn saying my name. I open my eyes and he smiles when he notices I'm awake. "Umm, the funeral is today, Doniya has something in her closet that you can wear. I just really need you there with me."

"Okay." I head to Doniya's room and she has three dresses laid out.

"Which one should I wear?" She asks. There's a plain black dress with long sleeves, a black dress with lace sleeves and cut outs on the front and back, and the last is a simple black last dress. I pick up the last one and hold it out to her. "You can wear this one."

"Thanks. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm intruding, I'm here for Zayn and for you guys too. I lost my best friends recently in a car crash and the worst thing is to not have anyone be there for you." I say and taking the black dress with long sleeves.

"You're not intruding, and I think it's great that Zayn found someone as amazing as you." She tells me. I go to the bathroom where I slip on the dress and head back into Zayn's room to grab my makeup from my bag. I don't apply much makeup and I slip on my heels. I leave my hair in natural waves and Zayn walks back into the room.

"You look breathe taking." He places a kiss on my cheek.

"Thank you, you look handsome." I tell him. I keep pulling the sleeves down to cover my hands and Zayn seems to notice. He takes my one hand and slides the sleeve up my wrist. He brings my scarred wrist up to his lips, leaving a soft kiss on each mark.

"I'm here for you, you don't need to do this anymore." He whispers.

"You don't need to worry about me Zayn, just worry about your family." I tell him softly.

"How can I worry about them when you're doing this?" He replies, speaking as softly as I did.

"Because they're more important." I tell him in a hushed tone.

"Never think anyone is more important to me, than you." He kisses my forehead and pulls me into a hug.