| musings harmonizing

pick me up 🅴 (☆ for vulnerability)

i always think if i made it past,
the shit that was last
could this be a stronger stab?
each day i get thrown out of my house onto the fucking doormats

where the blood of the strangers i killed,
mixes and spills
with the vantablack splashes of mine,
and the song of sinners plays down my spine

the pools fume
and form a volcano,
everytime a knife is pulled out of me - and creates a tornado,
leaving another shapeless dune inside

i call the cab driver repeatedly,
requesting for a quicker ride
because sanity has been depleting
my house and sinking in another tide

they always show up
in my mind for a second,
and when i drop my tea cup,
the fragments of it recokn
it's not right now
maybe tommorow somehow?

and the driver leaves with his shiny cab,
putting one of his large slabs
on my house to prevail darkness,
i spy their scythe from the back
what a wreathed job for a goddess

hey, please pick me up with peace?
i just need to sit underneath the tress,
with people who know the shadow that is me

whatever that is - my dad notices and sees,
i assume aunt and him cried over that?
with their fragile robust hearts of the bees
and grandpa's probably busy still fixing that damn cap

mom told me it's been two years for one and five months for the others,
we all wanna leave, but warriors like you just let go of it with a shudder
oh, but, dear mother
they didn't tell you the things i've been doing,
i'd rather see my face as another

the person i swore serene societies
and soulful moondances to,
belives our love could define me
and breaks glaciers thinking of endings we couldn't slide through,

but lover you need to see,
i'm all over you today and tommorow i'm gone again
maybe - my bloodstreams and glass cages aren't yours to be

being the demise of your living,
is nothing but the thousandth arrow to my heart
i don't want you drowning along when i'm sinking,
but to all the words i twist, you'll still be the leading part

in the end when i make it to the gates at last,
i'll let go of my final piece from the past
a journal with all the shitty writings and crumpled drafts

please keep the ride peaceful,
cause i finally have a home
after romancing for ages
with the agony of the dreadful.

fooled you with the title yeh?😩 SURPRISE this isn't about being horny (even though i would love writing about that) <33 !!

anyways this is like the most personal thing i've ever written... i always go and cringe hard enough to faint from when i read my poems but i said FUCK IT YOU LITTLE SHIT WE'RE GOING FULL POWER DEPRESSION IN HERE EVEN IF ITS A BOULDER OF CRINGE THROWN AT YOUR FACE LATER so i did. it was too weird to post on my insta (@plightofthestars check it out even tho it's kinda trash)