| musings harmonizing

atlas figure

tw: sexual references, nsfw

the mailman knocks once more,
saying he's got letters from your family offshore
you say "thank you jake,
for all the messages you pass and take"
and shut the door

placing the letter on the table
looking on the floor with precision
running towards your room, tripping on the camera cable
you self depreciate because this was your own decision

pick up the camera
practice atrocities to say in this glamor hour
switch it on
click click
live!
the stranger behind you pushes off
the strap on your shoulder, slip slip
you hear yourself cut again, a single snip

"it's alright,
i'll get through it tommorow & today
thinking of the one that got away
for this is somebody's dream of summertime
and that only line
that can drop a handful of dimes
in these uneventful hands of mine "

thus taking him by his throat,
you pull yourself closer
there's no escape from this prison moat
not even floating in the bathtub with a plugged in toaster
letting yourself make the practiced
nice nice noises
you can feel he too, is pushed by choices
and pretending the prepared tactics
are awfully real
that he's not actually, fully here

migraine!
this is too quick,
but someday when you attain
a name with all this
maybe you can pause the mimick
and open the blue to your wits

go back to paint
on canvases 'stead of people,
you can never be a saint
but can watch the earth befall
from your back to the floor
not remembered in legend or folklore,
but feeling the sphere that revolves
with a side glass of liquor
finally drop from your atlas figure

imaginative insight,
he pulls out
looking like your worst ghost in pale light
forcing an actor's smile
saying "thank you for tonight,
maybe we'll meet again in a while"

he walks away, fading like ambition
this is your home and demands submission
give it your all,
and never shead a tear or bawl
we need to make it,
you're only twenty after all.

NOTE: i didn't want to post this because i've never written something like this and i think it might be sounding a little patronizing to others, i just want to say that this is NOT in any way intended to patronize sex workers. i was reading a book that inspired me to write this and i wanted to capture the fact that people who work in the porn sector are normal, real people like us and show the gunshot like truth that women all over the world are forced to give up themselves to earn, even many young students who live alone have to join that industry for money, it's true that some people actually aim for it but that's not the most common case. i apologize with my whole heart if this poem offended you in any way.