a/n- i can't tell if i love or hate this chapter
Even though we went through all the trouble of going to the store because of the fact that we couldn't find anything to watch, we still end up watching a movie. None of us were ready for bed, so we came to the mutual agreement that we would just rewatch a movie we've already seen.
I don't think Savannah made it through twenty minutes of the movie until she fell asleep, and Charlie wasn't far behind her. I guess they were more tired than they let on.
"Seems as if Sav and burrito boy didn't want to watch the movie with us," I whisper to Owen once I see the two asleep on the other couch.
"Burrito boy?"
"Yeah, see," I point to Charlie. "He's always wrapped up in the blanket like a burrito."
"I will definitely be calling him burrito boy from now on. That's priceless," he grins.
Neither one of us really wanted to finish the movie, so we just turn off the TV. Owen offers to fix my strawberry milk, and I accept. When he fixes strawberry milk, it always ends up tasting better than when I do it. I grab a blanket to put on Savannah since Charlie hogged the other one, and make my way back to my room.
Owen hands me the strawberry milk he fixed. "Can we watch Miraculous tonight? Just one episode, please?"
"We've already watched them all. You wanna watch one we've already seen?"
"Please," he insisted. "There's so much to like. Like how you get excited over every cute thing that happens between Marinette and Adrien. And you've seen it even more times than I have."
"You've got me there," I grin, picking up my laptop and climbing onto the bed. I snuggle up to Owen and put the laptop on his lap, letting him pick out the episode he wants to watch. He picks Glaciator, which he knows is my favorite episode ever. He gives me a knowing smile right before it starts, and I give him a little nose scrunch in return.
I get all giddy whenever my favorite scene happens, and I don't think Owen even watched much of it because he was too busy smiling at my reactions. I'm so smiley by the end of it that my cheeks hurt.
"You knew exactly what you were doing, didn't you?" I ask Owen once the episode finishes.
"Of course I did. I know you're a sucker for Marinette and Cat Noir moments. I pay attention."
"You know me too well, sir."
"I know," he says as he cuddles up to me. He doesn't say anything after that, and all I can hear is his soft breathing. It's strange because usually I'm the one who falls asleep first. But I like it- he's told me that I look peaceful when I sleep, and so does he. I softly run my fingers through his hair, praying that the gesture doesn't wake him up. It doesn't.
He's played with my hair loads of times, but I've never played with his. And no matter what he says about my hair being super soft, I'm almost a hundred percent sure that his is softer.
I hate it when I can't sleep. Those nights that I used to spend awake by myself when I was trying to avoid nightmares were the worst. You never realize how long the night is until you force yourself to stay awake for the entire time. Even though I'm not forcing myself to stay awake right now, I still can't fall asleep. And my mind wanders at night. I think too much, and sometimes, that can be very dangerous.
I still feel a bit guilty for not asking about the "conversation" after I told Charlie I would, but for some reason, I just can't bring myself to do it. Even though I know it's probably nothing bad, I'm still scared.
I know Owen would never do anything to hurt me, or pressure me into doing things that I don't want to do like Liam did. And even though I am sure that I like Owen more than I've ever liked anyone else before, I still feel myself pulling back. And I can't quite figure out why. Is it because of one bad experience? Why should that ruin the best chance I have at experiencing a real relationship? It shouldn't.
I just can't help but worry that he doesn't feel the same. I've had so many people tell me that it's obvious he likes me too, and somewhere deep down inside of me, I agree with them. Friends don't do the stuff we do. Friends don't look at each other the way we do. There's something more there, and we both know it. We're just too stubborn to do something about it.
I've never had any good, solid relationships before- platonic or romantic. My parents weren't exactly good role models, everyone at my school were jerks, and the only boy I've ever felt anything before turned out to be an idiot. I don't know what real love is supposed to feel like. But if I had to guess, it would be this.
I've only known Owen for a few months, but I trust him more than I've ever trusted anyone else. He didn't make fun of me when I made him drive me to the store to buy strawberry syrup the day I met him. He listened to my family issues and was there for me after the phone call with my mom. He's stayed with me every night since he found out about my nightmares. He gave me his hoodie and bought me a stuffed cat when he knew he was going to be gone for a few days. He watched every episode of Miraculous with me, even though it's a cartoon show made for kids. He held me as I cried after the nightmare with Liam, he took care of me when I was sick. He hasn't let me down once.
And as I lay here, watching him sleep, I can't help but wish we were something more than friends.
I want to tell him how thankful I am for him. I want to tell him all these feelings I've been feeling. I want to tell him how happy he makes me. I want to tell him how adorable he looks when he's asleep.
I've never had a home. Yes, I had a house where my parents raised me, but it wasn't home. My parents never made me feel like I was welcomed in my own house. Home is where you're supposed to feel safe, where you go to take shelter when everything around you is crashing down. Somewhere you go where you can just be yourself, without worrying about what's going on outside.
I think Owen's my home.
All the people I've met here, they're all amazing. I love them all immensely, and I've never felt more welcomed anywhere in my entire life. But for some reason, Owen is on a whole other level.
And as I cuddle back up into Owen's arms, that's all I can think about. He unconsciously hugs me closer to him, and I feel safe.
"You're my home," I whisper so softly that I can barely even hear it. And right before I close my eyes, I can see the ghost of a smile on his lips.
