Fever Dream ~ Neymar Jr

Chapter 21

2017

Neymar's POV

"For God's sake, we've done so much damage to each other already!" Liv said, and I saw something snapped inside of her. She started walking away. I ordered my body to move, to chase after her, to ask her to stay, but it didn't obey my orders. Instead I stayed there, looking at the empty space she left behind and the flowers on the ground.

How could I have gotten things so wrong, I asked myself. Did I pushed the woman I was in love with out of my life and lost a year and a half of time I could have spent with her, over a misunderstanding? No, it wasn't a misunderstanding, I realized.

She was right in what she said. Our life did revolve around me. And I didn't for one moment stop and think this wasn't normal. Liv and I, ever since we got together we were equals, in every way that counted. Our bond was so strong, because we were both independent people, people that strived to do well, by relying on themselves and no one else. Our love for football was what had sealed the deal.

But ever since Liv came to live with me in Barcelona, she stopped playing. She gave up her college team and at first, she had mentioned looking for a team in Barcelona, but then neither one of us brought it up again. And it never even occurred to me, how much she was missing it. How many things she gave up. Sure, I could tell at times she was a little sad, but she always put me first, supported me in my games, worked on perfecting NOL for me, was there for me in every way that counted. What did I do for her?

How the hell did I justify it to myself, to be so furious with her for almost two years, when I should have known, it was me that messed things up?

Deep down, you knew, I thought to myself. That's why you were angry at her. So that you didn't have to look further, and be angry at yourself. At yourself, for not realizing the woman next to you was going through so much. At yourself, for allowing your mother to convince you Liv didn't care for you, when you should have known better. Because you were the only one who knew her.

I got in my car and started driving with no destination in mind. I realized I was crying when I answered the phone that was ringing and heard my own voice sound shaky and weak when I spoke.

"Neymar, are you okay?" My sister asked, her voice worried.

"No." I breathed.

"Are you in the car? Please park somewhere." She told me. "Tell me what's wrong. Did you fight with Olivia again?" She said, when I pulled the car to a stop. I realized I had driven to Liv's house.

"I— Yes. I fucked up Rafa. I have fucked this up so much."

"Liv broke up with you Ney. We've been over this so many times. You can't make people treat you as you'd treat them."

"No, you don't understand. I got it all wrong."

"What do you mean?" She asked and I told her everything.

"Wow." Rafa said, when I finished telling her what Liv told me. "Oh Neymar. How could we have been so wrong? All of us. I was horrible to her. I blamed her for breaking your heart. I was so angry at how depressed you were after the breakup, I was plain rude to her. I refused to speak to her. And our mom? Oh my God. I can't believe she said these things to her."

"I'm gonna have to have a conversation with our mother." I said. "I left her alone Rafa. She left everything to come to Barcelona for me. She gave up everything and everyone for me. I was her only support system when she came there, even my own mother was horrible to her. How could I have been so selfish? How did I not recognize she was hurting and just thought she didn't want to marry me?"