Jensoo - How is this for us?

Humiliation

Jisoo's POV

"Jisoo! Wake up" I heard someone calling my name while shaking me. What the?? Who is this messing with my sleep. I just put my pillow above my head to dismiss the voice immediately and went back to sleeping.

"JISOO TURTLE RABBIT KIM!!!! WAKE THE FUCK UP NOW!"

Now I know who the hell is that, my cousin aka my manager Seulgi. She shouted again to wake me up which really got me irritated because it echoed in the entire room and I can hear Lisa and Chae giggling outside. I know their asses are laughing at me. I will deal with them later for them being so annoying and ungrateful that I always let them crashed to my place every weekend.

I sat up but before I can say anything, an iPad almost landed to my face. I wanna protest again because she just ruined my beauty sleep and throw an iPad, I repeat, an iPad to my face. How dare she, this is the face of beauty, how come she's being careless, she's my manager and my cousin, she should've know better that my face is so important, it pays for this apartment and everything.

I pick up the iPad and read the title "Kim Jisoo and her friend caught drunk" and look at Seulgi and thinking about any excuse I can think of. "I am not drunk" That is all I can say to her. "What the hell is wrong with you? You know your career holds a price. This is the price you have to pay Jisoo" she said, almost as a whisper and I know she's disappointed at me.

"Look, I am sorry. And it's not even a secret that I drink and always hangout with others. I love parties and you know that. And I am not that drunk as they are claiming. Me and Lisa looked pretty chill and laughing in that photo right?" I tried to make a cheap joke so that she will calm down.

I heard her release a very deep sigh. "You are horrible Jisoo! You have been like this for the whole month, what is wrong with you?" She said again with her left hand on her waist and the other on her head massaging her temple.

"What do you mean horrible? I've been like this my whole life! Why's you always asked if there's something wrong with me?" I said back. "Nothing? Really? I am not just your manager, I am your cousin. I know when you're happy or sad! I know when you're drunk or sober! When you're healthy or sick. We pretty much grew up together. Moms changing our diapers side to side when we're kid you idiot!" she shouted back at me.

We were like in a contest. The one who has the loudest voice in the room will win in the game and I am definitely not winning. After a minute exchanging words to each other, I finally lost myself and break down in tears as I sit on the bed and hugging my pillow to hide my face. I felt she calmed a bit and sat beside me to rub my shoulder. Maybe she's shocked for witnessing this moment that her hard headed cousin is crying.

I just wanna let it all out. I am tired of pretending that I am okay but I don't have any idea how to tell her my problem. I'm afraid that no one will take it seriously, I'm afraid that if Jennie know about this, it will be the end of our friendship. I can't live with that, for not having her in my life. Seulgi patted my back as if telling me that everything's gonna be alright. I can't help but to hug her tight.

She took my face in her hands and said "You know that I'm always here right? If you're not ready to tell me, I will wait. You can always count on me". I cried, "I am sorry for causing trouble again as always" I said. She smiled at me and stand up from the bed and turn around to look at me with a serious look. "No getting drunk for a month, no night outs, no girls or boys" she warned. I just surrendered and nodded my head like a child. "Get up, or Lisa and Chae gonna finish all the food I brought earlier" she told me.

My phone buzzed and smiled when I saw her name popped out.

Jenduekie: Are you okay? I am so worried about you. Please call me when you read this. I miss you. It's been a month since the last time we talked. And you're an ass for not answering my calls. You're not mad at me right? Tell me if I did something that make you upset. I can't stand this anymore. Love you, Chu.

She told me that she misses me, and she loves me. Even it's not the same love that have for her but it's okay. I excitedly called her and after just a single ring she answered.

"OMG! You called!!!" She squealed and I heard Irene, her sister yelling "Stop jumping Jen! Jisoo! She's been waiting for your call since forever!"

She's waiting for my call, for me. I can't help but to smile at that thought. God knows how much I missed her voice. I tried my best for the whole month not to avoid her, make myself busy with work and parties, not to call her unless she's the one that initiate that. And now she did, and here I am smiling like an idiot listening to her voice. After endless nonsense things that we talked about and I don't know how many 'I miss you' she said to me, Irene took the phone from her "She's being crazy for a month now. Not taking a bath unless you ring her back! That's how she missed you dude. Luckily you call back or I have to live with stinky Jennie for today" Irene said and I just giggled. I am too speechless to said anything.

Then Irene shouted which only means that Jennie throw something at her. "Don't worry. Stinky or not, I still love you" I was shocked when I said that to her. Although we exchange love you from time to time, it's feels different this time. I just want the ground to swallow me now, what a fucking slip of tongue. After a few seconds of awkwardness she finally answered, "I will love you too, no matter how". I'm happy when I heard that for it's just for a moment because I know it's not in the way that I want.

"Lisa told me you're drunk. What happened?" She asked. Wow nice Lisa, you owe me one. "Is there something wrong Chu? You seems a bit lost lately. You didn't even contact me the whole month, are you mad at me or something else?" I can feel her sadness in her voice.

I'm not mad at you Jen, I'm mad at myself for hiding this feeling inside me. I am mad at myself for being a coward and for not fighting for you. I am more mad at myself for letting that guy take you out on a date.

I wish I could say all of that, but no thanks. Like I said, I am a coward. As silence goes by, she knows that I wont talk about it. "Anyway, I have to go before Chae and Lisa finish all the food that Seulgi brought" I said. I really need to get a hold of myself. I might end up telling her things that I shouldn't have. I immediately push the end button.

A week later.

After taking my bath, I wrapped my body and proceed to my walk in closet then my phone buzz, it's Seulgi. "You're up for an interview tonight, it's live so you better be prepare. I will send the Burberry dress to you shortly" she said with hello or whatever. "Bloody hell! Why didn't you inform me earlier? You know live interview scares me. They always ask me nonsense questions and it's bad for my anger management" I said to her. "They won't ask you stupid question, the PD told me it's about your gig for new drama and CF" she said and I just sighed and end the call.

*****

After dressing and make up, I looked at myself at the mirror while trying to fight my nervousness. Before I know, Seul came to me to pick me up to the venue. This better be good or I would feel humiliated in front of so many people. It's fucking LIVE.