What The Heart Needs - The Heart #3 (Complete)

Chapter 8 - Part 1

I felt drained and tired. It was like a nightmare that had me in its grip and wouldn't let me go.

Every minute dragged on, every hour felt impossible to wait through. I couldn't sit still, instead I paced up and down until I eventually couldn't stand it anymore.

I found a seat and linked my hands together while eyes fixed in the doors we were waiting for the surgeon to walk through to give us news.

"Here," Aiden's voice pulled me out of my daze and he held a cup of coffee in front of me.

"Thanks," I mumbled taking the coffee. It tasted awful but I needed the caffeine to keep me alert. It had been two hours already but we were expecting it to go on for a lot longer.

Aiden sat down beside me with his own cup of coffee as I took a tentative sip of the hot liquid.

In my mind I was solely concentrated on the surgeon coming out of the surgery and telling us it was a success and that Lacey had beaten the odds stacked against her. Anything else, I couldn't even allow myself to think about much less consider.

Aiden was subdued beside me, struggling with his own fear for our friend.

My attention drifted to Adonis leaning against the wall just outside of the doors to where Lacey was undergoing surgery.

Lacey's parents were seated side by side with Alex seated beside his mom with his arm around her.

Aiden finished his coffee and went to discard the cup. On his way back he went to stand beside Adonis. I couldn't stop watching him. There was no disputing I saw him differently now. From the hard line of his jaw to the silkiness of his hair. I swallowed, knowing how his lips felt against mine. I tore my eyes from him and stared at the stale coffee I held.

I took a deep breath and exhaled. How could I have let this happen? Thinking back to the moment on the porch of my house when I had abandoned all reason and kissed Aiden without any forethought to the consequences. And now I had no option but to do the right thing and tell Max. The ache in my chest intensified. Was it guilt or was it love?

I was so confused. How could I love Max and feel how I felt about Aiden? I didn't want to be forced to look closer at my feelings for Max for fear of what it meant.

My shoulders were tense and my neck was stiff. I rubbed my neck and tried to shut out all thoughts of Aiden and Max. Later, after Lacey was out of her surgery I would have the time to deal with that but until then I shut the thoughts from my mind.

Adonis' bandmates Link and Sage arrived and greeted him. He needed all the support he could get.

I glanced up to the large elegant clock on the wall in the waiting room. It was driving me nuts, watching each second, minute and hour pass by slowly, dragging out the nightmare of the outcome of Lacey's surgery.

The buildup felt unbearable and I got up to pace. It did nothing to relieve the stress building up inside of me. I dashed to the bathroom needing something, I couldn't quite put it into words. I wanted to scream, until my throat burned and I couldn't utter a whisper. It was more than I could cope with. Splashing some water on my face didn't make me feel any better. I dried the water with some paper towel and I binned it. I bent over the sink trying to breath in slowly and hold the breath for a few seconds before exhaling while counting to five. Repeating the action did nothing to ease any of the volatile emotions I was struggling with.

If for just a moment I allowed myself to think of the worst possible outcome I felt the panic grip me, making it difficult to breathe or even to pull myself back from the edge.

I shook my head. I couldn't allow myself to waver, for even a second. There was only one outcome that I could live with, she had to pull through, no matter what the odds. I couldn't accept or deal with anything else.

I lifted my hands from the sink and they trembled. The turmoil inside was suffocating me, like if I didn't find a way to exhale it I would not be able to breath. For a moment, I wondered if this was what a panic attack felt like.

I looked to the door and knew I couldn't go back into the waiting area feeling the way I did. How did I pull myself together so I could sit across from everyone without becoming hysterical?

It felt impossible.

How was I supposed to keep my sanity? How was I supposed to stay strong for my friend when I felt like I was spinning out of control?

My hands shook and I gripped the sink again, holding on so tightly my fingers began to turn white and I felt pain. A pain that would distract me from the nightmare I couldn't wake up from.

When the it became to much I released the sink and pushed away from it. I flexed my fingers, shocked at how far I was willing to go to stop what was happening. I didn't feel strong enough to face what could happen to my friend.

None of what was happening to her was fair and I wanted to scream and yell. But an emotional meltdown right now wouldn't help anyone, least of all of Lacey.

I took a deep breath and held it while I counted to ten trying stave off the panic that clutched at me. I had to calm myself down. My hands shook but I fisted them at my sides.

I exhaled trying to control the rapid beating of my heart before I took another deep breath. It had to work. I didn't know what else to try. This was the first time I had ever gone through anything so stressful and emotional. I had no experience on how to deal with the stress of it all. How anyone else was keeping it together I would never understand?

Concentrating on my breathing helped to calm me to a certain extent and I felt together enough to leave the bathroom.

When I saw Aiden waiting outside I stopped.

"Why are you here?" I managed in a controlled whisper aware my heart was racing again but for an entirely different reason.

He pushed off the wall and came to stand in front of me.

"You looked upset."

It was a mistake to be this close to him, alone without anyone to keep them from doing something stupid.

I shrugged. "I'm trying to keep it together."

It was a mistake to look into his eyes but I couldn't stop myself.

The fear I felt was there deep inside his intense gaze. Someone who felt the same as I did, someone who understood what was at stake. He understood.

I released a deep emotional breath, feeling the build up of pressure inside.

He reached out to touch my hand with his and I lowered my gaze to watch his fingers gently touch mine. I swallowed.

It was wrong, but it felt so right.

My eyes lifted up to his as I bit my bottom lip. His eyes held mine.

I should have pulled my hand away from his but I didn't. I knew right from wrong but at that moment it didn't matter.

His finger interlinked with mine. I took a steady breath.

I closed my eyes briefly feeling the warmth of his hand in mine.

I wanted to tell him to stop but I didn't.

There were a lot of things I should have done but didn't.

When I opened my eyes he was nearer. Dangerously close. Inevitably near.

"We..." I couldn't complete my sentence. He was too close, I couldn't think of anything else other than him.

"...shouldn't," he murmured lowering his lips to stop just a whisper away from mine. I could feel his breath against my lips.

In those few moments with him, I had forgotten about the events that were unfolding and the consequence.

And that made me do the only thing I shouldn't have.

I raised myself onto my tiptoes and placed my lips against his.