What The Heart Needs - The Heart #3 (Complete)

Chapter 19 - Part 1

"I was going to do whatever it took to get you back. There was nothing I wasn't prepared to do to win you over."

Aiden's statement made my heart soar.

"All you had to do was show up," I admitted softly, taking in the way he was looking at me. It filled me with so much emotion it was difficult to take a breath.

He leaned closer and his eyes dropped to my lips before he sealed his lips over mine. I reached out and put my hands over his cheeks as he kissed me. His touch calmed the storm of anxiousness inside of me.

I brushed my thumb against his cheek when he ended the light kiss. My stomach was still doing somersaults and I was struggling to catch my breath. It felt like I had run a mile.

My tongue swept across my bottom lip, I could still taste him. I wanted him as desperately as I had the first time we had been together. It was the most addictive thing I had ever experience with another person.

"I wish none of this other crap had happened. It should have been as simple as just feeling the way I do."

I touched my thumb to his bottom lip, trying to soothe him.

"There is nothing simple about love."

"Love?" he asked, our gazes held.

It was time to reveal to him how much he meant to me. I could argue I should have told him sooner but it would be a wasted task. All that mattered was here and now.

I nodded. "I love you."

He smiled before touching his forehead to mine. He closed his eyes briefly. "You don't know how good it feels to hear you say that." He paused. "It's like everything rights in my world again."

He had put into words exactly how I felt. Like everything that had been spinning my world out of place had calmed and there was only love and peace. I smiled. "The same as it felt when you told me the same."

He brushed his lips against mine gently. "I feel like we have wasted so much time with such issues that should never have been issues."

I shrugged. "Maybe we needed all of that stuff to realize figure out how we really feel. Nothing like feeling I had lost you to know that I didn't want to be without you. Before I was in no way ready to see what I knew I felt but now I can embrace it without all the guilt and pain it caused initially."

"I didn't know how to deal with feeling so strongly about you so quickly. My heart made me irrational especially when it came to you and Max. I knew that there was nothing going on between the two of you but the fact that you hadn't been as upfront and honest as I had wanted gave way to every insecurity I had harbored. My mind went crazy with every worst case scenario. And it didn't help when I arrived at your house to fix things to find the person I was most afraid could take you away from me, telling me he had been there when I hadn't. It set something off in my I couldn't control." His hand flexed.

It was something I had never thought he would ever be capable of. It just showed how crazy love had made us.

"I allowed the negativity of how we came together to cloud everything else. I had been cheated on before and I knew what it felt like. It hurt and undermined any confidence I had. Never once would I have believed that I would have been capable of doing that to someone. And when it happened, it rocked me in a way I struggled to cope with. I wanted things to be simple. If you cheat you are automatically a horrible thoughtless self-centered person. And then when I did it to Max, I had to question go back and take a closer look at how my past relationships had ended the same way. Trying to make sense of it wasn't easy while trying to figure out what you meant to me. And why I had done the worst thing I had believed possible to have a few stolen moments with you." I sighed. "It felt like a rollercoaster and then add in Lacey. It was just too much. I had to compartmentalize everything to be able to cope. So I put what I felt for you in a box, closed it and tried my best to be there for Lacey. It was in no fair to you to do that, you didn't deserve that. I wasn't brave enough to take a closer look at how I felt for you, I was in no place to start something new with so much guilt and worrying about Lacey."

"I get it even if I didn't like it," he said as he took my hand in his and he held it. I loved the feel of his fingers intertwined with mine.

"I shouldn't have done that. It wasn't fair to you. Like you I have regrets over how I handled some things. But you know we live and learn. We can't hold onto the past. If this has any chance of workin we need to make peace with all the bad decisions, and actions to give ourselves a fresh start. No more guilt, and no more insecurities."

He nodded. "There is one more thing I need to say before we sweep let go of the past."

"What?" I was more than curious and a little anxious despite his declaration of love.

"When I suggested we date non-exclusively I want you to know I never had any intention of dating anyone else. You were the only girl I want."

"Then why did you suggest it?" I found myself asking. Deep down I had known it hadn't felt right and now he was admitting as much.

"Love makes you do a lot of stupid shit. I was convinced I could protect myself if I devalued what we had. By dating you and implying that there was a potential for others I was trying to prove to myself that I didn't feel as strongly as I did. I was stupid and you should have slapped some sense into me. I don't even know how you're still willing to give me a chance."

I listened intently, understanding his reasoning.

"It didn't feel right. I knew I couldn't watch you with someone else when I knew how I felt about it. I just couldn't do it, no matter how much I wanted to be with you. Suddenly, you weren't acting like the same guy I had fallen for. I wanted the guy I that I had fallen for, not the one you were presenting. You weren't the only one to make a mistake or handle a situation badly. Like I said, I did a lot of stupid stuff. I don't even know how you're still willing to give me a chance."

"We both did stupid shit, I can list all my mistakes but the main thing is that despite everything we screwed up, we are here together."

"Can you forgive me?" he asked in a whisper.

"There is no need for forgiveness." I touched my lips to his. "We both made mistakes. It's time to let it go."

He nodded.

"I was reminded of something today at the hospital," I said.

"What?" he asked, with a slight frown.

"Being reminded of what Lacey went through reminded of how fragile life is. I don't want to waste a moment of it. Just look at what Lace and Adonis are going through. Look at everything they have overcome and they are still aren't together. We are very lucky and I'm not going to throw that away."

He nodded. "He really loves her and she doesn't remember any of it. It's hard to watch. I couldn't imagine what he is going through. I don't know how he copes."

"I think it was one of the reasons why things were so intense from the beginning. It was a stressful situation, where a life hung in the balance. Maybe if it hadn't happened, we wouldn't be here."

"I would never wish what happened to Lacey on anything but I'm so glad that we found each other. I don't want to overthink, how it unfolded. I just want to be together."

This time I nodded and I smiled. "I want that more than anything."

He kissed me. He had had my heart and I had his. A love that had pulled us through the toughest time and brought us together, joined us now.