What The Heart Needs - The Heart #3 (Complete)

Chapter 5 - Part 2

I was in hell, there was no other way to describe it. The guilt I felt for kissing Aiden ate away at me and the fear for my best friend played on my constantly.

I agonised over what to do. The right thing would have been to come clean to Max and admit what had happened with Aiden but the couple of times he had called I hadn't been able to do it. There was a chance he would walk away and I couldn't blame him but there was a chance he would forgive me. It had been a moment of weakness, nothing more.

Surely he would be able to see the stress of what I was going through with Lacey had made me turn to another person who understood. This never would have happened in any other situation, I kept telling myself.

But I was a coward and I kept arguing internally against telling Max anything. I hadn't even considered the fact that Aiden might say something, I could only hope that he hadn't.

The few times I had held my phone in my hand and contemplated calling Aiden to talk to him about what happened but I hadn't been brave enough to tackle it head on. Instead I had put my phone away and carried on like nothing had happened on the outside while I dealt with the guilt on the inside.

There was just too much going on. The most important thing that I concentrated on was Lacey and what she was going through. Later, I would figure out what I was going to do with Max and in the meantime I was going to avoid Aiden at all costs.

Just remembering the way his lips had touched mine made me touch my lips. No. I told myself. I couldn't think about it, especially when all I could think about was how it had felt. I should be thinking about all the reasons why it had been wrong, so wrong.

I was seated in the kitchen trying to go though some notes from school when my phone rang. I reached for my phone but when I saw the caller ID I set it back down on the table and rose while I backed away from it like it was going to bite me.

It was Aiden. Why was he calling me?

I backed up until my back hit the kitchen counter and I gripped the sides. The ring was insistent but I refused to answer. Finally it stopped.

I inhaled sharply and let the breath out trying to stop myself from panicking.

In the silence that followed I approached the phone when a messaged pinged. I jumped back, startled.

When I finally picked up the phone I saw the message from Aiden.

We need to talk.

I shook my head. No we didn't. It had been a mistake, something I didn't to be reminded of and I certainly didn't want to talk about it. There was nothing to say.

I ignored the message and sat down again determined to pick up where I had left off but I couldn't stop thinking about Aiden. The memory of his lips on mine, how my heart had raced and how I had felt gripped me.

No no no! I admonished. I wasn't going to let it get to me. It was nothing. I reaffirmed in my mind. I wanted Max and I would do anything to ensure we survived this. He was good for me, I told myself.

Aiden. My breath caught in my lungs and there was no disputing the physical memory of how he had swept me away with one kiss. I put my hand to my forehead. What was I going to do? If I just ignored it, it will go away.

I checked my watch. I tidied up my books. Lacey was coming over for a sleepover and I was determined to cheer her up to keep her mind off everything else that was going on. I would keep Aiden as a tightly wrapped up secret, never to be shared with anyone. At this point I was even considering not saying anything to Max.

But every time I thought about him the guilt was heavy in my chest. Could I live with the constant feeling as I tried to hide what I had done? I wasn't sure I could.

I tired not to think about it as I got ready for Lacey's sleepover. I got some junk food and I checked my watch just as the doorbell went.

I rushed to the door and pulled it open. Lacey.

"Hey," I greeted, hugging her tight with both arms. I swallowed the emotion that clogged in my throat before I released her with a smile plastered over my emotions.

"Hi," she replied. I could see the tension in her features but I was determined she was going to relax tonight.

This wasn't about the boys that were complicating our lives, it was just about us hanging out as friends celebrating the close friendship we had nurtured over the years.

I wasn't going to lecture her on her decision to delay the surgery no matter how much it scared me. This was her life and she got to choose what she did with it. I was her friend and it was my job to support it whether I agreed with it or not. Something Adonis hadn't been able to do.

Every time I thought about him and his behaviour at the party made my blood boil and a few choice words came to mind to describe him.

Then I noticed Alex just behind her.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow," he said to his sister before he gave me nod and turned to leave.

"We are going to have so much fun," I assured her leading her into the house.

"I smell popcorn," she sighed.

"It's all ready. We just need to pick which movie you want to watch."

She stopped and I turned to face her.

"Thank you." Her eyes filled with emotion.

"What are friends for," I reminded her putting an arm around her to hug.

"I wished everyone was taking the news like you are," she mumbled, leaning her head on my shoulder.

What she didn't know it was tearing me up inside but I wouldn't admit it to her. I wasn't going to be the one to guilt her into making another choice. It wasn't my place.

Besides I believed that if Adonis hadn't managed to get her to change her decision, there was nothing any of us could say to change it.

I didn't want to spend what little time there could be left arguing or fighting with her. I wanted to spend every moment I could reminding her how special her friendship was to me.

"He'll come around," I assured her although I wasn't entirely convinced that was true. I could always go around to see him and try talk him into stop being a jackass but there was no guarantee that would work.

"I hope so," she sighed.

"Come on," I said, leading her up to my room where I had laid out all the snacks.

"That's way too much food," she said when she took it all in.

"Don't worry whatever we don't eat I'll save for the next time." I held my smile even when hers waned.

We didn't know if there would be another one.

I ensured I kept her busy picking a movie before we settled on my bed. I found it difficult to concentrate on the movie. My mind wouldn't let up, between watching Lacey to ensure she was okay and thinking about things had got so much more complicated with Aiden.

I wanted to be able to talk to her about it but I didn't want to burden her with more than she already had on her plate. Besides nothing compared to what she was going through. Cheating on Max seemed inconsequential compared to how Lacey's life hung in the balance.

There was no way to know if she would survive the surgery. Every time I thought about it I felt breathless like there was something tightening around my insides. I couldn't allow myself to think about it for too long for fear I would break down.

Now wasn't the time to give into the emotion, now was the time to enjoy the company of my best friend without thinking this could be one of the last times we did this.

This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. We were supposed to get older, maybe get married possibly followed by kids.

But there was no thinking further than just the next few weeks.

Then I would do what I had to. I would figure out what I was going to do with Max.

Deep down inside I knew I wouldn't be able to keep what happened with Aiden from him and I would deal with the consequences.