What The Heart Needs - The Heart #3 (Complete)

Chapter 13 - Part 2

"My gut tells me to walk way and let this thing with you go but on the other hand I gave you a chance and you walked all over me." Aiden studied me.

I nodded. "I was going though a lot but it doesn't excuse my actions."

He rubbed the back of his neck, he seemed torn. I didn't know what I would do if he didn't give me the chance I was asking for.

"Before I was confident in what I felt and what I wanted but I'm not anymore."

My heart plummeted and I caught my breath to try and soothe my features so he wouldn't see how much his words hurt.

"I'm not sure how we go forward Reece. I want to try to see where things go but I don't trust you right now." He sighed.

I nodded, feeling a glimmer of hope that he wasn't saying no outright. I had a chance, even if it was slim.

"There is only one way I can see this thing working out and I'm not sure if it's something you'll be okay with." He dropped his hand to his side.

In that moment I wanted him any way I could have him but his tone made me nervous.

"I'm listening." I swallowed, unsure if I was ready for what he was going to say.

"We keep things casual...."

"What does casual mean?" I asked.

"It means we date but not exclusively."

I frowned. "You mean we see other people as well?"

He nodded.

His solution shocked me. I had never dated multiple people at the same time, I wasn't sure I was even built for that type of thing. And I didn't know I felt about the fact that he seemed to be okay with dating me as well as dating other girls. It didn't sit well with me.

"That way there isn't all this pressure to make it work like there was before."

I wanted him but I wasn't sure I would be okay with him being with other girls while we were dating. But I wasn't sure I could walk away. I was stuck between two impossible decisions.

"Say something?"

My eyes met his. "I'm not sure. I've never dated multiple people at the same time."

I didn't want to date any other guy, I only wanted him. I wanted to say no but I was scared to let go of him. Even if I argued that he wouldn't be completely mine, I would effectively being sharing him with others. The blonde girl from the night before came up in my memory and I felt physically sick. Could I do this know he could be spending time with her?

He shrugged. "It's not ideal but I think it's the best way to do this in a way that doesn't scare you."

I wanted to shake my head and tell him I was ready but I had already opened up enough and I was afraid of the pain he could inflict unknowingly.

"So you're sure that you can deal with me seeing other guys at the same time?" I asked the question even when I had no intention of doing it. I was a one man girl.

I wanted him to tell me no and change his mind but he nodded slowly.

This wasn't how I had hoped this would go and I was torn between wanting him but not wanting him on these types of terms.

"Let's just hang out without the guilt and pressure. Who knows where it could lead." He sounded a lot more optimistic than I did.

I nodded because I couldn't admit that I didn't want any part in this but I didn't want to tell him that yet. What I really needed was space from him to sort through the mess of emotions I was currently experiencing.

There was a part of me that wanted to agree and get out there so I didn't have to face him when I told him this wasn't something I could do. It was the coward way out. But something occurred to me. He wanted honesty and I owed him that much.

"No," I stated, knowing this would lead to the end of us or any chance we might have had.

I couldn't be desperate enough to throw away who I was just for the chance to be with him. I had to respect myself to be able to be with him without any fears. There were things I already had to work through but I couldn't share him.

Either he wanted to be with me and no one else, or I would let him go no mattered how much it hurt me. The pain of allowing this to happen would hurt far more.

"What do you mean no?" he asked, frowning.

"I know I've made some mistakes, we have both been through a lot and we gravitated together. Something special happened between us even though neither of us were fully prepared for it. I'm not proud of hurting Max but I should have found a better way to deal with it."

I let out a heavy breath, knowing this would probably be the end of us but I had to tell him how I really feel.

"I want the boy who knew what he wanted, the boy who blew my mind with a kiss on the patio, the one who knew what to say when my world was falling apart, the boy who saved me in a way I can't explain. I don't want this mediocre version of you. The one who is too scared to risk for fear of loss. I know what I want, it might have taken me some time to figure it out but I'm here because I want to be with you and only you. Do you understand that?"

I trembled as I saw his expression. It was closed off and I knew I had lost him completely. At least I had tried.

"I'm sorry I screwed things up. I really am. We could have had something special."

I studied him for a few moments. "I'll see myself out," I said.

He never moved when I got to the window and climbed out. My chest hurt but I knew I had done the right thing.

Luckily I made it down to the ground without falling and I dusted my hands off as I went to my car. The pain in my chest spread but I held back the tears as I got to my car. I did allow myself to look up one last time at his bedroom window to see him watching me.

It hadn't worked out but I had at least been true to myself and that mattered.

I got into my car and drove home.

I was so tired I crawled on my bed and curled up with my pillow, sighing. I couldn't regret what I had said to him because it was the truth.

Before when I had been to afraid to jump into anything with him he had held the confidence in what we shared. This felt like the reverse. I was sure when he wasn't.

I had said everything I could and there was nothing more that I could do. I had told him how I felt and what I wanted.

It gave me a bit of peace but it did nothing to help with the heartbreak I was feeling. I regretted not being able to stand up and do what I did today earlier, but it was what it was. I couldn't undo the past.

Memories of him kissing on the patio the night of the party warmed my heart and I held my pillow a little tighter. I remembered how he had been there every time I had felt my world shake every time something had gone on with Lacey. He had held me together when my life had been unraveling. And I remembered how he had set my skin on fire in the janitor's closet. Even remembering it now made me want him again. That was the boy I wanted.

I took comfort in the knowledge I had been honest with him even if it hadn't been what he wanted to hear. Today I had been brave enough to stand up for what I wanted when I had been so fearful and guilt ridden to do so before.

My phone pinged with a message and I rolled over to get it from my side table. There was a part of me that still hoped Aiden would come around but I was left disappointed when I saw a message from Max.

Can we talk?