What The Heart Needs - The Heart #3 (Complete)

Chapter 3 - Part 1

My dreams that night had turned to nightmares and I woke up breathing hard with my heart racing like I had been trying to out run something. I put a hand to my chest as it rose and feel sharply.

I couldn't remember what I'd dreamt but all I knew was that I was glad I was awake. The sun shone brightly and I frowned. How could everything look so colourful and bright when my best friend was so ill? And there was a real chance she could die.

I felt hungover but I hadn't had a drop of alcohol the previous night. I knew it was the stress from finding out about Lacey's diagnosis. It took effort to get out of bed and get ready for college. It took more effort to go downstairs and make some breakfast the thought of food turned my stomach.

"Hi Honey," my mom greeted cheerily as she breezed into the kitchen.

I didn't even acknowledge her. Yesterday I had skirted the subject successfully from my parents. It had been too soon to open up about it when I had been struggling to process it myself.

"What's wrong?" my mom murmured softly as she sat down beside me and gave me her undivided attention. "Talk to me."

When my eyes met my mom's, the sincere concern made all my fears and emotions bubble to the surface. I found it difficult to swallow as my eyes began to tear up.

"Whats wrong baby?" she murmured pulling me into a hug.

I couldn't speak I was so upset. I sobbed as she held me.

"What ever it is, we can fix it," she murmured rocking me like she used to when I was younger.

She didn't know this was something out of our control. There was no way for us to fix it.

After about a minute I managed to calm down. I pulled away from mother's safe embrace and wiped the tears from my face.

"What's going on?" she prompted and took a shaky breath hoping to keep it together long enough to answer her question.

"It's Lacey," I revealed, my voice still thick with emotion. "She has a... brain tumour."

The realisation of how serious the situation was mirrored in my mother's eyes. "Oh baby."

A lump formed in my throat. She clasped my hand in hers as I let out another heavy breath so I could tell her everything.

"She has to have surgery but the odds aren't good." I held my mom's gaze and she understood what I was scared of.

"She'll be okay," my mom assured me. It was what mom's did but I knew there was no way for her to know that. It was just words she was using to soothe me.

I wanted to believe her but I didn't. I was truly scared for the future and what that meant for my best friend I had taken for granted would be around. And now that there was a question over that it had shaken my life right to the core.

"I'm not handling it very well," I hiccuped.

My mother's eyes softened. "How's Lacey coping?"

"She seems to be okay but I don't think it's sunk in yet." Thinking of my friend reminded me of the happiness she had finally found with Adonis and now this. It was too sad to even contemplate. I dropped my head into my hands.

My mom's hand rested on my shoulder. "I think it might be best for you to take some time out from college."

I lifted my head and shook it. "If I stay home it will drive me crazy. At least if I go to college I'll be distracted."

She studied me for several seconds. "If it gets too much then come home."

I nodded. I could do that.

My phone pinged with a message and I picked it up to see a message from Aiden.

How are you doing this morning?

My fingers hovered over the keys as I contemplated what to say. Did I tell him the truth or did I pretend I was okay? I decided to go with the truth.

Struggling with the news.

I held my phone and waited for his response.

"I got to go," my mom said, interrupting my thoughts. "If you need me call me."

I nodded and she brushed my cheek affectionately before she left. Luckily I wouldn't have to see my dad this morning. He had gone into work early today for a meeting but there would be no avoiding him this evening.

I think we all are.

I sighed as I reread his message. His words made me feel a little better. His message also reminded me of Max and how irritated I had felt with is inability to understand how I was feeling. It had been unfair of me. He had only met Lacey once, how did I expect him to understand the full impact of what was happening when she was practically a stranger to him.

For a while I sat at the kitchen table staring down at my phone debating whether to call Max and apologise to him for being off with him last night. I couldn't hold it against him that he wasn't affected like Aiden and I were. It wasn't fair.

I checked my watch. I still had some time to kill before I left for college so I called Max. It rang and rang but he never picked up. It went to voicemail.

"Hi, it's me. I just wanted to call you to let you know I'm sorry if I was grumpy with you last night but I'm not handling this whole thing very well." I paused. "Anyway, give me a call when you get a chance."

If this was how I felt I couldn't imagine what Lacey was going through. I thought about blowing college off to go and see her but I was an emotional mess. She had so much to deal with already, the last thing she needed was trying to keep me from falling apart. It wasn't fair.

I had to be stronger for her so she could lean on me, not the other way around. For the moment I was appeased by the fact that she had Adonis and her family to rally around her while I sorted myself out.

I couldn't even think about it without wanting to cry. It was so unfair. I didn't know how I was going to get to a point where my eyes wouldn't tear up every time I thought about it.

I closed my eyes and allowed the wave of emotion to pass through me as I breathed through it. One step at a time. Today I would just concentrate on getting through college. That was my sole aim.

Even though I wasn't hungry I made myself some breakfast and managed to eat a couple of mouthfuls before I discarded the rest.

Each time I began to feel overwhelmed I would shut everything out and try to concentrate on the task at hand. It was the only way to keep the panic and overwhelming emotions from taking over and making me a blubbering mess.

I went to college and got to my first class on time. Each time my thoughts drifted back to Lacey I would try and distract myself. The first lesson was the worst and with each class it got a little easier not to think about it.

In between one of my classes I called her but she never picked up. I couldn't remember what time her appointment was but I had left a message for her to call when when she got a chance so I could find check in with her.

I kept checking my phone but she never called or messaged me back. I had to remind myself that I had to give her space.

When I got home I was mentally wrung out trying to keep myself from thinking of Lacey. I should call her and find out how she's doing but I still didn't trust myself enough to not end up crying. It was the last thing she needed.

So I kept myself busy with some assignments I had even though I still had a couple of weeks to complete them.

My phone rang. It was Max.

"Hey," he said and I felt his voice blanket me with security.

"Hi," I sighed.

"How was your day?" he asked.

I frowned. Why wasn't he asking me about last night? Was he afraid to bring it up?

"It was okay." There seemed to be some sort of invisible line that he didn't seem to want to cross.

He was my boyfriend, someone I was supposed to be able to share things with and I wasn't. It didn't feel right.

My phone call with Max didn't last very long. I found it difficult to keep my annoyance with him out of my voice and we ended the call no closer to sorting out the barrier between us.