Loving Jaxton ✔️

epilogue 2

*PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!! This ending has me crying but, it will be for the greater good. Eventually ;). It will be worth it!

Rylee's POV

It didn't get better. It only got worse. And now I'm hiding in the closet for the second time this week trying to get myself together but I can't do it. Jax is really trying, he's so much better. He's helping me out with everything and I love him so much for it.

But the tables have switched, and now I feel like I'm falling apart. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't look at our children without crying and I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm falling apart. It's only been three months since Jax and I really started working on who we are and it's not working for me.

Sure the sex is off the charts, and from the outside we look like the perfect little family with our beautiful children. But we're not, not when I can't get myself together anymore.

And I really believe it's because mentally I'm not okay. I'm not. It's been building for weeks now, and weeks keep coming making this harder and harder for me. I don't know what's wrong with my mind, I don't know what's wrong with me. I just know that I'm not okay.

I'm not overwhelmed with our kids, with us, or with work, I'm overwhelmed with what's going through my mind. What about my parents getting older? What about Jax and I's income making college accounts for the kids? What about taking Maddie to preschool everyday and praying that she doesn't get hurt? Or watch Lance grow up with a mom who doesn't know what she's doing with her life anymore? Or watch my relationship with Jax get stronger, only for it to slowly decay away?

I'm a mess. A big pile of a mess.

Hearing footsteps to the bathroom and not being presentable I close the closet door and sit down on the hard floor with my back towards the wall. I cover my face in my hands wiping my tears as I grip my shirt trying to calm myself down.

"Mamma?" I hear her little voice that cracks my heart as I smile through my tears and wipe them away. Maddie is so beautiful and she's absolutely amazing as a daughter. Of course she's a little Jax, well not little because she's tall for her age, but she's his little girl and watching him with her makes me so happy. He's a really great father and I love when he leans down onto his knees to kiss her forehead every morning and tells her "don't talk to any boys and be good. I love you Mad."

"Mamma?" She asks again as I clean up my face and wipe my tears away. It's Saturday morning, and that means she wants my attention all day long, not that I mind, but that I'm hurting and I don't know why.

I slowly cut on the closet light and open it up to see her standing in her nightgown with her stuffed dog in her arm. "What's wrong Mad?" I ask coming out the closet to see her little sleepy eyes. I reach for her and pull her into my arms as she rests her head on my shoulder.

"Clothes?" She asks pointing to the closet as I nod and cover up the fact that I went in there to have a breakdown. I'm still in my pajamas too, I didn't wake Jax when I got up.

"I was baby. What's wrong? It's early." I explain into her soft brown hair as I kiss her cheek. I rock her in my arms softly as I rub her back and she lays her body weight fully into me. She's only three but she's so smart she can have a full conversation with me.

"Sleep with you." She tells me as I smile into her little neck. She loves sleeping with Jax and I, and she's quickly realized that I can't tell her no about it.

"Let's go to the guest room so we don't wake up daddy. He had a long night." I whisper into her hair as she nods. Jax had a boxing match last night, not underground fighting, a real match. He only does it occasionally, but it's always with guys he wins against and as long as he's safe I'm okay with it. He said he does it so he doesn't lose his touch, but I think he does it because he misses it.