Oblivion [winrina au]

26 | pain

River (k)

Abusive. Alcoholic.

That's what I was, and now, it's two things that's coming back once again. I got out of rehabilitation a year ago, and I don't understand how I'm becoming the person I fucking hated most. My father.

There's no lies in what I've told Avery. I hurt my sister. I'm the reason why she's suffering and all I'm asking for is for her forgiveness. As you can see, I failed again. She doesn't want to talk to me, and what I did inside the hospital made her hate me even more.

I know I shouldn't blame Avery for this. For her story. But I don't want her to get involved in my life any further. I've caused enough chaos, enough hurt, and she's too precious for that. If I do something that'll hurt her physically, I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself. Not anymore.

That's why I asked her to leave. I want her to get scared of me so she won't come back.

That's why I pushed her away every chance I get.

Don't get me wrong. I want her to stay.

So much.

I want to be her safe space but if I'm back at this state and I can't control it, it won't be healthy.

It will never be.

She won't understand that the only thing that I want to protect her from is me.