I Still Do (bwwm) ᑕᗝᗰᑭᒪᗴ丅ᗴ

when i stopped feeling sorry for myself

"Look, the only reason you're doing all of this is because, I don't know... maybe you feel guilty over leaving McKenna."

"Really, Taylor?"

Jared had a pained look in his eyes mixed with a bit of annoyance and I shrugged my shoulders in sad defeat.

"Jay, do you remember what you said that day? You'd never not be there for her. I knew it meant it was 'me and you' that were the problem, so not seeing her every day probably has made you feel a little guilty over the years."

He shook his head and scrunched his nose in frustration, running his hand through his messy brown hair.

"Tay, baby, we were never the problem. I was. I needed to figure this shit out on my own."

I smiled and sarcastically giggled a little bit, nodding my head a few times as I spoke.

"Well, I'm glad you finally figured it out. Meanwhile, I've been the one taking care of our daughter."

"What are you talking about, Tay? I'm always there for McKenna... and you."

His voice was gritty and raw, full of emotion and as I sunk back into the couch, I shook my head a little and my voice came out tiny and frail.

"Not when I needed you."
✖️

After putting the few cupcakes that were leftover into the refrigerator, I walked back into the living room to see Kiana and Della sitting on the couch.

I shook my head and smiled before plopping between them on the couch, stroking McKenna's cheek as Della began to bounce her.

"For a little girl who just had her first birthday, you think she'd be tired by now."

I smirked before Della handed McKenna over.

"You'd think, right? But nope. My babygirl's definitely a night owl, aren't you? Huh, Kenny? Up all night just like your da--."

I cut myself off before I could say it, knowing how bright her eyes could get at just the mention of Jared. It's not that I didn't want to see her smile, it just broke my heart knowing he wasn't there for any of these moments.

"It's okay to miss him, ya know?"

I turned to see a look of understanding on Della's face that I chose to ignore, doubling down on how I'd been feeling lately.

"The A-hole who broke my heart? Why would I miss him?"

"Tay,--"

"No, seriously! I mean, he didn't want us and that's okay. I got us."

McKenna had finally begun to calm down, laying her head on my chest as I felt her body slump against mine.

"So what was that in the kitchen during the party?"

I rolled my eyes before I cut them over at Kiana, who had a suspicious look on her face.

"It wasn't even like that. He was telling me that he's gonna be out of town next weekend. Apparently, he's going to some music festival, so..."

I shrugged a little before standing, rocking McKenna in my arms before circling the couch, ready to head towards her room.

"It doesn't matter anymore, though, anyways, guys. McKenna's the only thing that matters."

♦️