I Still Do (bwwm) ᑕᗝᗰᑭᒪᗴ丅ᗴ

when i royally screwed everything up

"What are you talking about, Tay? I'm always there for McKenna... and you."

"Not when I needed you."

I shut my eyes tight, feeling regret and remorse ripping through my body hearing Taylor's quiet response.

I opened my mouth to say something, then quickly shut it, realizing there was nothing I could say that would change anything about the last four years since I left.

We sat there, trapped in a painful silence for a minute or so before Taylor spoke up again, tucking her hands under her thighs as she sat up a little.

"Maybe you should go."

I looked over at her, silently praying for her to look over at me, so she could see how truly sorry I was, but my heart began to ache when I saw her wiping the tears from her face.

"Tay..."

"It's getting late. You've got a big day tomorrow."

She stood from the couch, and I followed her out of the living room, watching as she stopped at the front door.

She had her back faced towards me but by the way her shoulders kept shaking I knew she was crying again.

"Dammit."

I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose before I rushed over to her, spinning her around.

"Princess, please don't cry."

I went to brush her tears away, but she shook her head, turning it to the side, avoiding my touch.

"Stop, Jay. You can't-- you can't call me that. Not when you're getting married to someone else tomorrow."

"Tay..."

"No, it's cool. I'm just the 'baby mama."

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head and took a deep breath, hating myself for not letting Taylor know exactly what she meant to me when I still had the chance.

"Stop it, Tay."

She looked up at me, and I could see something in her eyes change; she cocked her head to the side bitterly smiling up at me.

"But it's true, right Jared? I'm just 'that black girl you knocked up in high school'."

She shoved me back a little, and I began to get a little agitated; it wasn't because she pushed me, it was the way she was talking down about herself.

I fucking hated it.

"You know it's not like that!"

"Then what's it like, Jay, huh? Tell me what it's like!"

She shoved me again, causing me to growl slightly before I pushed her against the wall, pinning her hands together above her head.

"I'm gonna show you."
✖️

My head was pounding as I woke up from a booze and drug-filled night two of the festival.

The sun was peeking through the slit between the currents directly on my eyes, so I rolled over on my back.

A second later, a tanned slender arm fell across my chest and I looked over to see it was attached to a messy-haired blonde.

Her bright blue eyes flickered as she smiled at me.

"Morning, sleepyhead."

I was stuck in shock for a moment, stumbling over what few words I could put together.

"H-h-hey. Uh, yeah-- mor-morning."

She smirked playfully, before straddling me, leaning down for a kiss.

"Round three in a sec? Be right back."

She hopped off me suddenly, bouncing to the bathroom and as I watched her naked form strut over to the bathroom. She turned and winked before she shut the bathroom door, and I felt like a giant boulder had been placed on my chest.

As I sat up and wiped my face, I tried to piece together what happened last night after I lost Elijah and Bryce after popping a couple Mollys.

But what was this girl's name?

Lauren?

Lacey?

Lori!

Suddenly, everything from last night came back to me; we met in the beer garden and after a few drinks she kissed me.

I don't know if it was Molly, but I felt incredible, and when she kissed me I didn't want it to stop.

But now, here I was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

What did this mean for me and Taylor?

Shit!

I threw my head back against the headboard realizing that in my drug-filled stupor I completely fucked things up.

I mean, sure there were times when I hooked up with this girl Gigi, from my Econ class, but that never went further than her giving me head.

I couldn't believe that I actually had sex with someone other than Tay.

We were on the outs now, sure, but if she ever found out about what I did, I knew I'd lose her for good.

♦️