all the stars | sonny carisi svu

chapter sixty-four

we were greeted by our wagging, excited golden retriever as we walked into our home.

silence between the two of us.

i couldn't believe what had happened. what was said.

more importantly, what i was left in the dark about.

"ella, please talk to me." sonny sighs. "you haven't said a word to me since we left the courthouse."

"you want me to say something? i'll say something. you lied, dominick! not only to your squad, but to me, your wife!" i yell.

"i understand that you're angry and i,"

"you understand that i'm angry? that's all you have to say?"

"i fucked up, i know ella. i screwed up!"

"that's it?"

"what do you want me to say? she's my niece! i was just trying to protect her!"

"but why did you feel the need to protect her from me?"

there was a moment of silence between us before he whispered.

"i thought you would tell barba or liv, i don't know."

"you really don't trust me that much, huh?"

"that's not what i mean."

"that is what you mean! you couldn't tell your wife something important, involving our family, because you thought i'd blab it."

there was a moment of silence between us. tears were now rolling down my face.

"you used to tell me everything, and now you keep the biggest secret of all time from me,"

"el, i was going to tell you!"

"when?"

"i tried so many times since i found out, and i couldn't bring myself to." he tells me. "i mainly almost told you today."

"today?" i ask, my voice raised. "when?"

sonny looked down at the floor, ashamed. "right before you got on the stand."

i sat down on the couch, head in my hands, also now looking at the floor.

"when did you know?"

i felt his eyes turn to me.

"what?"

i look up at him.

"when did you know that he didn't rape her the first time? that it was consensual?"

"a few hours before we took her to the hospital, the night everything went down."

i just nodded. i didn't know what to say.

he kept this from me for this long.