Desire

Bruises

We get to the beach ,it's warm today , JJ and I barely say anything to each other as we sit down by the water watching the sea wash up on the rocks.
"JJ can I ask you something?" I turn to the boy seriously.
He nods not saying anything.
"Promise me you'll be honest" I ask again and he looks towards me with a worried face.
"Yeah of course Kat? What is it?" I look down at my hands not knowing whether or not I wanted to ask.

"Do you like me?" The air is silent the only thing that could be heard was the sea , how it hit the sand with a whooshing sound.
"J-" I break the scary silence again.
He sighs in defeat "Kat- of course I fucking like you! I have for years and I think I always will" I see the sadness in his eyes.
I loved JJ but I don't think it was the way he wanted me too.
I wish I knew if/or if I could like him that way , it would be easier, J is so nice and he's perfect.
The perfect option.
"J , i don't know what to say-"
"You don't have to say anything" he reassures me that I don't have to say anything to please Him.

"I'm sorry Jj but I don't think I like you how you want me too- I care about you I really do I just- you deserve better JJ and I want you to find the right person" I look at him and I see that he is struggling to listen to me.
His eyes were glassy and he looked so deflated.
"Kat it's fine really you're my friend before anything else and I will always love you no matter what you feel for me , if it's friendship or not" he smiles at me and I nod.

I hug him and he buries his face into my neck breathing deeply.
"What's on your neck-" JJ pulls my hoodie away from my neck revealing the hickeys that were all up my neck from the bottom of my neck to some random ones on my jaw line.
They were deep and purple they were bruises.
"Are those-" he looked hurt and I don't blame him.
I was a royal asshole.
"J I-"
"Who?" He asks almost straight away , his sadness turns to anger in a heartbeat.
"It doesn't matter" I stand up with him as he starts to walk back up to my house.
"JJ!" I shout and he turns around harshly.
"It's him isn't it! Rafe! That's why he's staying because your fucking?" I scoff and shake my head.
"I told you! He's only staying with me because of Ward! Sarah asked me too! She's my friend and I would do anything for her even if that means letting the person I hate most stay with me!" I shout and he storms off in the direction of JB's .

My hand runs down my face and I squat with a huff standing back up and walking towards my house.
I walk through the door to Rafe and my Mother sat down on the sofa.
"Mum-" my eyes widen as I make eye contact with Rafe.
"I'm just meeting- James was it?" I see my mums smile , she's met Rafe once before not paying much attention to who he was.
Surely she'd remember him coming to our house after I made the delivery's with Pope?
"Yes James i told him I'd be back I was just giving JJ something" I lie and I see Rafe scoff.
"Anyway nice seeing you Mum but we need to go-" I grab his arm pulling him towards my door.
"Bye mum" I wave and follow Rafe out.
"James? Really?" I laugh and he shrugs with smirk.
"Yeah well I told your mum that I was Rafe Cameron's twin brother" he laughs and my eyes widen as I laugh with him.

"What and she believed it?!" I say in shock as we walk along the back of the beach.
"Yeah I'm a really good liar" Rafe rolls his eyes playfully as he stuffs his hands in his pockets.
"Look Rafe-" he cuts me off by speaking before me.
"Oh Kitty Kat don't think just because I finger fucked you that we are going to be friends and I'm going to hate you less because trust me I don't" he speaks out and my face drops.
This dickhead.
He's such a major twat.
"Yeah trust me when I say this Rafe I don't want you near me in that way again and if it wasn't for Ward being a total asshat then I'd let you go back" our playful and humorous Vibe was gone and was replaced with spitefulness yet again.

"Your lucky I even touched you I doubt any other man would want too i was doing you a favour" he cockily laughs almost mocking me.
God why did I let him touch me?
Why did I enjoy it and why did I wish Sarah never called my name.

"You absolute dickhead Rafe Cameron!" I push him and he stumbles forward in surprise.
I wasn't normally emotional especially if Rafe said anything to me , I'd brush it off and ignore his cruel remarks but this time he hit a nerve.
Tears were ready to fall but I tried to stop them for as long as I could.
"You are a fucking piece of shit! Like really I thought maybe I was just being stupid for hating you! I thought people didn't give you a break! I felt bad for you! But now I know I was wrong for doubting my hatred for you! I know exactly why I despise your guts! Because your a spitful, selfish and aggressive person who doesn't care who he hurts as long as he gets what he wants that's who you are and that is who not only me but Sarah , JJ , Pope, Kie and even your own fucking Dad see , we see how much of a stuck up prick you are!" Tears left my eyes for the third time in front of Rafe Cameron ever.

I never cried in front of people , let alone Rafe.
The first time was when I was little the second is when he caught me on the dock and now the third.
Rafe's face drops with disbelief? Maybe even regret or guilt? I wasn't sure? I've never seen this expression.
It was soon replaced with a cold expression as he straightens up.
"You think you're so fucking perfect! Like your Dad fucking likes you? He clearly thinks your a shitty person too considering he dumped you at your mums and got a new daughter!
You think your so much better then everyone else especially me? When your not! Your a dirty pouge who I should stop wasting my time arguing with! You fuck up again and again! You know you do! How many times this time have you had to apologise for your mistakes since being back?
I can confirm one that I definitely know happened!
The night you tried to fucking shoot me at the movies , Kie looked so mad at you!! How many times did you apologise just for that fuck up?!!" He shouts back as his face boils up in anger.
"FUCK YOU!" I push him as I walk towards Kie's house.
"Yeah you know what! FUCK YOU TOO!" I hear as I storm off.