Desire

Date issued.

"Kat you've got a letter!" Sage screamed up the stairs, waking me up.
"Yeah alright!" I shout back grumpily, I knew it was probably just another letter about Jeremy and if I wanted to say anything in court or issue a statement. Which I'd already declined 100 times over.
I stumble down the stairs seeing Sage sat there eating breakfast.
"It's on the counter" she said in between chews.

"Can you make me some?" I ask the girl as I reach for the letter, she nods pulling out some cereal and milk.
I yawn as I open it.
"Knew it- guess who's it from" I wave the letter about with a laugh.
'Dear Katerina Night,
Thank you for accepting the court offer, the date is set in a few weeks time on the 15th of May.
If you have any inquiries about the date or how it's going to work let us know' 

My voice died out as I read the letter out loud.
"No- I didn't accept it" my breathing hitches in my throat as I scrambled about trying to find my computer.
"Kat- does that mean what I think it means??!" Sages eyes widened as she read the letter also.
I open my computer looking at the email.
"Oh my god-" I felt sick to my stomach, I'm going to puke.
I'd accepted the offer accidentally.
It's been weeks since I'd got the email, meaning it's too late to cancel it.

"I'm gunna vomit" I run to the sink puking into it, last nights dinner. Yum.
I was terrified. I puke when I'm beyond  terrified. Or mad.
"Hey hey it's ok- there must be something we can do?" Sage rubs my back and I shake my head.
"No there isn't- it's to late! They've set the court date so they won't cancel it again" I wipe my mouth, my head in my hands.

"Have you spoke to Rafe?" Sage asked gently.
Yes. We were back on speaking terms. Friends again. It's been weeks since our argument.
Jeremy was surprising fine with the fact me and Rafe were friends again.
"Yeah but not about this- he doesn't know" my chest felt like it was gunna cave in from anxiety.
"Your going to have to tell him" Sage frowns sadly.

"I know" I sniff, walking upstairs quickly. Leaving Sage behind.
I slam my door shut, leaning my head against it, tears threatening to spill.
I hit my door with my palms, finding myself growing increasingly angry by the situation. Maybe Rafe will understand.
I breathe out a sob escaping my lips as I turn getting changed.
"Where are you going?" Sage followed me as I walk outside.
"To Rafe's" I jump in my car driving over to his house.

I run up to his door knocking loudly.
"Kat hey!" He smiled as he opened the door, instantly letting me in.
"Hey-" I frown, why was he so happy.
I walk in, the anxiety getting worse. I bite my cheek as he closed the door.
"Look I was thinking, I'm not gunna be in outer banks forever, I'll go work for my Dad again at some point especially now that the whiteness have accepted the court option" he pulled me out a glass.
"Water?" He offered, I nod quietly as he filled my cup.

"But I really enjoy your company, I'm not asking you to leave with me, that didn't work last time did it" he laughs pushing my glass towards me, I pick it up taking tiny sips.
"But I was thinking maybe we could visit each other? I'll even pay for you to come see me and I'll come back to see you too, that way we can still be friends? What do you think?" My mind was running 100 miles an hour, I couldn't even process what he was saying.

"What?" I sigh genuinely confused by what I was hearing, none of it going in.
"Just think about it yeah? You want to stay for breakfast? I haven't had any yet" he opens the fridge getting eggs and bacon out.
"Yeah sounds good" I fake a smile as my eyes flutter finding it hard to focus on one thing.
He started to make breakfast, eggs, bacon and Toast.
"So how's Sage and Kie? They seem happy, I wasn't surprised to see them together" he spoke as he fried the eggs.

"There good, Pope still isn't talking to either of them though" my foot starts to tap on the stall I was sat on.
"Yeah I'm not surprised, it's a bit shitty isn't it" he chuckled before putting the bacon in the pan.
Sweat runs down my back as I shuffle in my seat.
"Yeah- it is" I glance at the time, the clock on the wall wasn't working which made my anxiety even worse, god knows why.

"How about the others? Are they still friends with Pope and Kie?" He put the eggs and Bacon on two plates before popping the toast in the toaster.
His back was turned to me the whole time he was cooking.
"Yeah, there still friends with Pope and Kie, they like Sage too we just don't all hang out anymore" I could see he was buttering the toast.
I swallow my saliva, I wasn't even hungry. I couldn't eat feeling this sick, couldn't eat having this much anxiety.

"I bet that sucks, do you miss hanging out with all of them?" He turned placing the toast on the plates also, pushing me my plate.
"Thanks. Yeah i do but I don't see them making up any time soon" I pick up my fork sticking it in my bacon.
I shove it in my mouth forcing myself to eat.
"Yeah I bet" he sounds almost sad for me. Which was new when It came to the pogues.
"How about you? Are you still friends with Topper and Kelce?" I put more food into my mouth.

"I keep in touch but I wouldn't say friends, I realised that if they were really my friends then they wouldn't of said those things about you on movie night or any time and that I couldn't be friends with people like that" he stuffed his mouth with food also.
"You know about that?" I frown, how does he know what Topper, Kelce and Jack said on movie night?
"JJ, he told me. I was leaving that night and I saw him as I was packing my stuff into my car, he was walking Sarah home with John b, it was before I came to see you" my brows raise in confusion.

"Yeah I had the same reaction-" he chuckled seeing my expression.
"I know we've already sorted things out but I just want you to know that it wasn't fair of me to ask you to leave with me that night" he smiled genuinely at me.
"You don't have to stop being friends with them just because of me- we aren't even together anymore" I giggle slightly as I eat my toast.
"I don't want to be friends with people like that, they look down on the lower class and so did I, I didn't even realise it! So I cut them off, I'm trying to better myself" he looked up at me and we both start to laugh.

"I never thought I'd see the day where Rafe Cameron betters himself!" I shake my head humorously.
"Yeah well I guess I have a good reason" he stated at me and I blink looking down at my food. One slice of toast left.
"Had, I guess I had a good reason to change how I viewed people, I still do, because we're friends" he corrected him self before putting his plate in the dish washer.
"Thank you" I say as he takes my now empty plate away.

"No problem, wanna do something today? Or are you busy?" He put the dish washer on , turning to me.
"Rafe I-" say it. It will be better coming from you. Say it. Just say it you pussy. It was me. I was the reason you were in jail. I was the reason you were put away for so long. I couldn't do it. I would loose him before necessary.
He looked at me waiting for me to speak.
"I'd like that" I smile at him. Fuck.