A Wanted Submissive

13

"Mama," I said as I passed through the kitchen. Honestly I was just glad to be back.

"Hungry?" She asked but I was already going upstairs. I told her no though as I made my way up.

Not ten steps from my bedroom door, I saw him standing there. Gabriel stood against his own door across from mine in a loose fit shirt with sweat pants riding low on his hips. The sight reminded me of Stephie's words and the same embarrassment from that conversation returned.

How could I have let myself get here? In that moment all I really wanted was to tell him off. To demand he stay away from me.

But to the tired appendage beating in my chest he was the kind of beautiful that left you awed and unable to believe in the thought he could he yours. He looked... Unobtainable.

He crossed his arms over his chest when he saw me which was a few moments after I'd seen him and he said, "you should show your mom more respect."

So I stopped walking. I looked at him and I sighed, was I disappointed or surprised? Was it the fact that he was listening in on my conversations or that he had commentary?

All questions I couldn't answer but I could say this, "I get that I'm the youngest one in the house and that maybe this is you trying to do something good but can you not.

"No one understands the relationship between my mother and I better than we do and not to be disrespectful or anything but I'll change it when she has a problem with the way I behave and not when you disapprove."

Everything I said came out monotonous but the more I spoke, the more my throat felt constricted, "and I won't even ask you to stop Trying to change me because the fact that you don't even know a thing about me couldn't even tell you as much."

I shook my head at the ceiling and stalled from going on by licking my lips slowly because I just couldn't breathe anymore and I hated it so much. Enough that in that moment I would have done anything to make it stop.

Because besides the dramatics, all I was really asking for was a moment of silence so that I could catch my breath.

And what really frustrated me was that my room. Was right. There.

"But since I have you here anyways, I'd really appreciate it if I could just…" how could I say this and not antagonize him? Would he even care? I hoped not.

"Sleep by my-," and then he stormed and then we were chest to chest. We locked eyes and I found the storm there too.

"I see that you aren't in a good mood today," he ran fingers down my cheek until the index was under my chin, "so don't push me, Rian."

He spoke lowly, which somehow made him sound so full of anger. The sound of it sent shivers of fear along my spine and I appreciated it. Somehow I'd forgotten that fear wasn't something that really ever went away when it came to Gabriel.

For a long time I just looked into his eyes because I didn't know what to say. I knew what I wanted to say but being afraid of someone wasn't exactly something that inspired you to freely speak.

My heart nearly jumped out of my chest when he suddenly wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. His muffled voice reached me saying, "I missed you."

I timidly placed my hands on his shoulders. He was rocking us lightly and I could hear him smelling me.

"Tell me about your day. What's the matter?"

I sighed and unwrapped his arms from me. He didn't fight me, "I don't really want to talk. I just wanna get under the covers."

I left him in the hallway but I didn't sleep alone.

The mirror can be a scary place sometimes. Because it isn't honest, it only shows you what you want to see or what you believe to be true.

And in that moment, what I believed was painful and filled me with shame. I wiped the fog off the bathroom mirror after my shower.

I had deeply contemplated just not getting out of bed this morning and fucking the consequences.  Unfortunately my bed was no longer safe, it was invaded by the enemy. Of the step sibling variety.

But looking at my reflection now, I wished I could stay. Or better yet disappear. Just take a deep breath and blink out of existence. I tightened the towel and went to my room.

Dressing and getting to school moved so quickly it felt too soon when I was opening up my locker to start the day. Journey came forth, "can I talk to you please."

"Let me guess: you love him. Oh, I could go deep into it. Nothing and no one has ever made you feel the way he does and you don't think you could resist that even if you wanted to.

"This isn't what you wanted but it is now and it's real. Just as real as any other relationship here. More so. And it's hard to accept that you weren't meant to be with someone who makes you feel like this.

"You haven't figured out how to let that go yet. You don't know how to let him go and you need more time. I shouldn't have seen you yesterday. You just need more time. To come to terms with reality no matter how how unfair. More time to love him to kiss him.

"More time to say what you didn't get to...

"Am I right?"

She was quiet for a bit than she said, "I know you could ruin my life but I'm asking, begging... You not to."

"I was never going to say anything. It isn't any of my business. I just hope you know what you are doing."

I closed my locker, books in hand and went about my day, "Rian."

I turned to her, questioning her with my face, she said, "how did you know?"

"The romance sections in various libraries and Wattpad."