Poems of Honesty and Humility

Sometimes Years Don't Change A Thing

When I was too small to understand 2x2
Kids started to realize
"We're not the same as you"
I can still picture the way
They would always point and say
Speak up,
Uncover your face
But they couldn't feel the cold embrace
The feeling of paralyzing worry
Until every single thing is impossible
Anxious battles the sad
But you're never quite mad
Everything still worried but the body doesn't move
And you're just praying that it will all be over soon

By 8th grade, when I was too ignorant to understand why,
They would cry
Out when I walked the halls holding her hand
And
I can still hear "queer" "gay" "dyke"
Whispered behind my back.
The years turn by, and time feels slower, and my hair gets shorter,
But their judgement is still just as loud as it had always been.
I try to create a different sound but the sides of the battle are too uneven.

Before I knew it, I was 15.
I was already a shattered version of what I had once been
Every bit still me, but bent.
My father's words became a heavy weight trying to force broken pieces back into place
Now I have to plaster fake emotions on my face.
When a person beside you can't differentiate between friendly assistance and verbal abuse you start to feel like it's no use.
A puzzle piece can't fight back against the hand that lost the others.

Now my sisters are becoming brothers
But they're still not free.
And
My pain crushes but they won't let me be
And
They still point and laugh at my incapabilities.
I can't shake a sexuality, religion, or disorder.
I can't erase scars of abuse.
I can't unhear what makes ears bleed.
I can't unsee the things I've seen.
I'm sorry that this world isn't what it was meant to be.