An Oath To Take (Imperfect Girls Series #1)

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Mommy's Decision

Halos dalawang oras lang ang aking naging tulog kagabi. Anong oras na rin ako nakatulog dahil na rin sa walang tigil na pag-iyak. Hindi ko na lamang namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako dahil na rin sa pagod at sa sobrang pagka-antok.

Buong gabi ay halos iisa lamang ang tumatakbo sa aking isipan. My mind was clouded by uncontrollable thoughts about my accidental pregnancy. Anong gagawin ko sa batang ito? I can't just let it go. But, at the same time, I can't let it live in an environment that won't be good for it.

Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko bang sabihin ito kay Andre. Napapikit na lamang ako nang mariin nang maalala ang kaniyang mga sinabing kataga kagabi. Our relationship is just for pure pleasure. We just use each other to satisfy our sexual cravings. We don't meet nor talk if it's not about our arrangement.

Kung sakaling sabihin ko nga ito sa ama ng batang nasa sapupunan ko ay hindi ko naman maipapangako ang magkaroon ng masaya at kumpletong pamilya. Ayaw ko itong mangyari sa aking magiging anak. I don't want it to experience the same pain that I felt when I learned about my parent's divorce.

Hangga't sa maabot ng aking kakayahan ay gugustuhin 'kong palakihin ito nang maayos. Nang may buong pamilya.

What if I become selfish and hide it from Andre. It would be easier for the both of us, knowing that I didn't give him any responsibilities. I'm willing to be a single mother if it means to save others from a heavy responsibility. This was my fault from the start. I should be the one taking responsibility for it.

I let out a heavy sigh as I slowly opened my eyes. Unti-unti akong bumangon mula sa pagkakahiga sa kama at iginala ang aking tingin sa paligid. Ngayon ko lamang napagtantuan na ang kalat-kalat pala ng aking condo. I didn't know that I left all of my belongings on the floor.

Ang aking black pumps ay nakakalat ang magkabilang pares. Ang isa ay nasa may pintuan lamang ng condo, habang ang isa ay nasa salas na. I also found my bag on the carpeted floor. The stuff inside it, spilled all over the place.

Napabuntong-hininga na lamang ako at agad lumapit sa mga ito. I picked it all up, one by one. I'm going to try my best to stay positive. I'll try my best to keep my life going. Nailabas ko na naman siguro lahat ng aking luha at pagsisisi kagabi, hindi ba?

And, I'll start this positive day by cleaning my mess.

Pagkatapos 'kong malinis ang aking mga gamit na nakakalat sa buong paligid ay dumiretso naman ako sa banyo para maghilamos. Napaatras ako nang kaunti nang pagkabukas na pagkabukas ko ng ilaw ng aking banyo ay mga damit at kalat-kalat na tissue ang bumungad sa akin.

I once again sighed and cleaned it all up. I guess, I was too tired and drained last night to even bother throwing my used clothes in the basket.

My plan for today is to go to my doctor to see if I really am pregnant. I only took one test when I was at Jade's condo, and there is a big chance that it might be a false positive. If I still get a positive result on an ultrasound, then I guess an ultrasound wouldn't be lying to me if I really am pregnant, right?

I only applied a light makeup, just to cover my tired face from crying too much last night. Ang aking mga mata ay maga pa rin, ngunit wala na akong magagawa pa rito. I dressed up in a casual white shirt and mom jeans. I usually wear a belt when I'm using this specific mom jeans, but there's now a baby inside my stomach, so I think I need to avoid that.

Nagsuot lang rin ako ng rubber shoes at iniwasan na ang heels. I think, heels are not good for babies either.

Huminga muna ako nang malalim bago tinahak ang daan papunta sa clinic ng aking doktor na kaibigan. Gulat na gulat ito nang marinig akong pumunta sa kaniya para magpa-ultrasound.