Learn to Love » Draco Malfoy x Reader

XXXII

I didn't sleep in our bed that night.

That went without saying, for the most part, but how could I have slept beside him knowing the things I did and feeling the way I felt?

I don't know if he stayed in that room or found one of the other dozens of rooms to pick from. I didn't care, either. The only thing that mattered to me was that I was in my room, sleeping in my bed, and I had my privacy. Draco could do fuck all for all I care.

I made sure to actively avoid him the next day too.

I skipped breakfast, too sick to eat anything. Even so, I would've skipped probably to avoid seeing his face. I scheduled my lunch around the hours at which I knew he liked to eat, and I only made a quick trip down to the library to avoid seeing him.

I wanted to keep myself busy with party planning, but I knew that the problem with that was I couldn't avoid my mother or Narcissa. They'd ask questions, pretend to feel bad for me then urge me, not so subtly, to forgive Draco since they knew as well as I did that I was screwed regardless.

I had never felt as utterly trapped as I did then.

It was like I was a goldfish, looking through the glass bowl. I felt like I had my freedom to swim around, I even got fed every now and then which I felt like was a treat. I was happy for a few seconds at a time and could forget whatever just happened to me, because the little bits of what I had were enough to keep me satisfied.

At the end of the day, I couldn't leave the glass bowl. There would always be someone or something that controlled every bit of what I did.

I tried my honest to God best to make the most of my situation, which made it feel all the more depressing.

I was forced into a marriage, causing me to leave the person I was actually in love with. I fought with myself for months after, convincing myself I was the crazy one for feeling anything for him. I forced myself into giving my husband a chance, because after all, he was just as trapped as I was... only to come to know that he was the reason I was in this mess.

How could I ever find any solace in anything ever again?

That might've been dramatic; it might've been even a bit morbid. But I didn't care. For the first time, it was like nothing I could ever do would ever matter again.

After all, who cares if Draco and I want each other? It's not like we'd ever get a divorce. That would mean I'd be socially outcast from my family. They have no other heirs apart from me and I would feel the pressure and guilt of being ostracized from my family and ending a bloodline.

And so, what do you do when you feel like it's all helpless?

You turn to your friends.

———

I don't know how long I cried into Daphne's arms that afternoon. It could've been minutes since everything seemed to blur together when I was upset like I was. On the other hand, it could've been hours and that was the more likely option.

I cried so much that I felt my bloodshot eyes burn when I blinked, the crusting tear stains on my face felt hard and dirty. My face must've been a red mess too, but Daphne knew better than to tease me at a time like this.

"This might've been a big misunderstanding, y/n," Daphne ran her fingers through my hair soothingly when my cries began to falter a bit. I was laid down on her lap on her bed. I hadn't been to her house in a while, but I missed it. Especially now, it was like a getaway for me.

"How could this be a misunderstanding?" I sniffled. "Everything about this has been a lie."

She sighed, choosing her words carefully. "I don't think Draco ever meant to hurt you."