Dishing The Dirt: Tommy Lee • Mötley Crüe •

Chapter 52

Tommy's POV:
Since it had been announced to the whole world that we were officially going to be on tour with Ozzy in a couple of months, Doc and Elektra saw us as a fucking money train and we were booked out every single night, we even had a waiting list of clubs and festivals that wanted to book us in case others cancelled. Nikki loved that - in fact we all did. We thought we had been treated like royalty since our stint with KISS but we didn't have a fucking clue. The drugs and alcohol were now endless and the chicks that threw themselves at us were on a whole new level to what we were used too - not like I did anything with them though. Mick made sure of that.

I'm sure you're probably sat there thinking "Tommy you asshole, what about Vanessa!?". Well, the truth is, since the show me and Vanessa had found ourselves on a downward spiral.

I thought we were in a good spot, you know. But, Vanessa became closed off, she completely shut down on me.

She wasn't all to blame though. My problem was, I found myself struggling to find a balance between being Tommy Lee and Thomas Lee Bass. Tommy Lee was the side of me who was the teenage drummer, an entertainer, someone who would do all this crazy ass shit and make people feel fucking awesome about themselves. He was the life and soul of the party, but Thomas was the dad that gave his little girl pony rides around the back yard and spent his Saturday mornings watching cartoons and sharing ice cream with her for breakfast. He was the husband who lived just to see his wife smile, but I hadn't seen that smile in a long time, in fact I'd hardly seen Vanessa at all.

Like I say, since the show, everything switched. Our whole family dynamic, the way we spoke to each other, even the way we looked at each other and our conversation about growing our family felt like it was between two completely different people a whole ass lifetime ago.

These days, I'd wake up around 5pm, I'd throw myself in the shower to freshen up and get myself ready for the night. Vanessa was always out with Sharise and the girls or she'd be over at Micks place with Shelly, course she never told me that, I'd have to find out from Mick or Vince. I'd leave around 6pm and head over to whatever club or arena we were playing at and down as much vodka and beer as I could handle. I'd head out on stage around 9:30pm and smash the fuck out of my drum kit. 10:30pm drum solo. 11:15pm the show ends, head back stage and sniff whatever the fuck I had handed to me. The groupies would come in and I'd have a girl on each arm, sometimes two but with Mick there I was always being watched so the chances of me doing anything with them was always zero.

Around 1:30am - The four of us would always head back to the strip if we wasn't already there and we'd meet up with Roxy and drink, snort and smoke until closing when we'd head back to Nikki's place and Mick would head off home. I'd usually pass out on the couch and get home around 11am and by that point, Vanessa was either already out running errands and doing mom stuff or glaring at me as I stumbled through the house to bed. On the days I got to spend a few minutes with Sophia, all she did was cry when I went near her so Vanessa would take over and I'd head to bed. We were in a really rough place and I didn't know how the fuck I was going to fix it or if I even could anymore.

***

I took a deep breath as I jumped out of my sleep. I rubbed my eyes and squinted as I looked over at the clock. 17:03pm. I rolled onto my back and stretched myself out, I was a little sore and stiff... in more ways than one hahaha.

I moved my tongue around my mouth trying to create some saliva to dampen my dry mouth and I thought back to last night. I couldn't remember a single fucking thing, but I knew Mick wouldn't shy away from telling me when I saw him later on tonight.

I lit up a cigarette, rolled over and looked at Vanessa's side of the bed, all neatly made up and empty... so fucking empty. I hated how cold and empty everything felt without her, man.